Hey, How's it goin? Got your store card on you today?! Have a nice day!!!
Howdy howdy! Got that store card? Sweet! Have a good one!!!
Hey you! Mind if I borrow that store card for a moment?! Have a great evening!!!!!!
Hello, my name is Geeky Cat, and I'm an NPC.
Two months ago I was hired on at a local grocery store, effectively labeling me a merchant NPC, and while I'm happy to be back at work and love my coworkers, I am having a devil of a time catching a rhythm.
See, my schedule literally changes week to week, with the hours, times, and even the days varying wildly. As you can tell, it's effected my gaming.
But I have been gaming, although I've mostly stuck to Guild Wars 2 and all of its magnificent story progression (hurry back, Living World, I miss you!), as well as a number of...*gulp*... casual games.
So what's coming up in the future? To get back into the swing of things I'll have a short series of posts regarding casual games. In honor of my latest endeavor I've found a few games on Yahoo for, get this, grocery items. The Jolly Green Giant has a game. Friskies has a game. Reddi Whip has a game. Suave has an effing game.
And with that, you're all set! Make sure you didn't forget any bags, and have a great day!
Saturday, September 20, 2014
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
I'm Done With This Bull
Bam: Me-1, Taurus Demon-like 20.
But it's that '1' that matters, at least in terms of game logic, which is the only type of logic I care to think about.
I finally kicked his furry behind on try number three Monday afternoon, all the while being horrifically reckless.
See, the best way (in my opinion, since that's all that really matters) to start off the fight is to walk slowly toward the other end of the bridge that the fight takes place on, wait for him to drop down, then high-tail it back to the tower you walked in on. Rocket up the ladder to the top of the tower, then jump onto his head blade first like a(n un)living guillotine.
Now, normally I can only manage one of these attacks per attempt, since the set up can be difficult, but I was feeling ballsy today, so I ran back for seconds.
And seconds is what I got. I somehow made it up the ladder untouched, and even more shockingly managed to jump back down before he could join me.
I wasn't done courting dumb, however. In Dark Souls your character's movements actually have a feel of weight behind them, so you can't just button mash your way to victory. This means you have to time your movements out, lest your dodge roll get stuck at the bottom of the action queue, resulting in your guy performing that slash you wanted earlier instead of getting the crap outta there. You also have that pesky stamina bar to worry about.
Aaron's advice to me: run in, attack PRECISELY TWO TIMES, then use my remaining sliver of stamina to roll to safety.
That...that never worked.
See, I am an impatient spaz of a gamer. When things get even a little sticky I mash my buttons into pudding. This is not a sound strategy for Dark Souls.
Today was different. With two fresh lobotomys and a couple of ankle pokes I had the demon on his last...hoofs. But I too was severely weakened, and with little stamina I was forced to make a decision. I lunged for him....
...and missed. I lunged one more time, with no stamina left and a sliver of health I made one last desperate attack...
...and BOOM! Down goes demon!!!
It only gets worse from here, folks, but at least now I have Solaire the sun bro to fight by my side.
Together, we can become just so grossly incandescent...
But it's that '1' that matters, at least in terms of game logic, which is the only type of logic I care to think about.
I finally kicked his furry behind on try number three Monday afternoon, all the while being horrifically reckless.
See, the best way (in my opinion, since that's all that really matters) to start off the fight is to walk slowly toward the other end of the bridge that the fight takes place on, wait for him to drop down, then high-tail it back to the tower you walked in on. Rocket up the ladder to the top of the tower, then jump onto his head blade first like a(n un)living guillotine.
Now, normally I can only manage one of these attacks per attempt, since the set up can be difficult, but I was feeling ballsy today, so I ran back for seconds.
And seconds is what I got. I somehow made it up the ladder untouched, and even more shockingly managed to jump back down before he could join me.
I wasn't done courting dumb, however. In Dark Souls your character's movements actually have a feel of weight behind them, so you can't just button mash your way to victory. This means you have to time your movements out, lest your dodge roll get stuck at the bottom of the action queue, resulting in your guy performing that slash you wanted earlier instead of getting the crap outta there. You also have that pesky stamina bar to worry about.
Aaron's advice to me: run in, attack PRECISELY TWO TIMES, then use my remaining sliver of stamina to roll to safety.
That...that never worked.
See, I am an impatient spaz of a gamer. When things get even a little sticky I mash my buttons into pudding. This is not a sound strategy for Dark Souls.
Today was different. With two fresh lobotomys and a couple of ankle pokes I had the demon on his last...hoofs. But I too was severely weakened, and with little stamina I was forced to make a decision. I lunged for him....
...and missed. I lunged one more time, with no stamina left and a sliver of health I made one last desperate attack...
...and BOOM! Down goes demon!!!
It only gets worse from here, folks, but at least now I have Solaire the sun bro to fight by my side.
Together, we can become just so grossly incandescent...
Monday, August 4, 2014
D&Dice Fails
Music is a magical medium. It can invoke emotions such as sadness or elation. Music can speak volumes when words alone fail to capture the essence of something.
It is to music that I turn to describe Saturday night's Dungeons and Dragons session. Enjoy.
Saturday night will go down in history as the Night of the Crits, and what a night it was.
With most of the party MIA Mat, newcomer Tyler and I were reunited and free to complete a dungeon crawl sans morons (*cough* Kampo and Rafiki *COUGH*). This somehow went worse than if the morons had been present.
See, in D&D players roll a 20 sided dice to determine the outcome of certain actions, like attacking or attempting to stay on the back of a bucking displacer beast. But the 20 sided dice is a fickle creature, and can sometimes land in one of two critical positions: a critical miss, or a '1', or a critical hit, or a '20' on the dice.
"1's" are bad. Like bad-bad.
Criticals of either variety are uncommon at best, with one or the other popping up in a game maybe 2-3 times, max.
Saturday night, between only three players and the Dungeon Master, we had eighteen goddamned criticals. Eight-%#@*ing-teen. That's eight critical hits, mostly for Aaron, and ten critical misses, mostly between Tyler and myself.
It was bullhonky. Buuuuullllllllllhooooooooooonkyyyyyyy.
Let's take a look at a couple of highlights:
Miss: I take a swing at a giant scorpion, face-planting and flinging my maul in the process.
Hit: Said scorpion crit to buck me off.
Miss: A scorpion missed Mat, only to clamp down on his compatriot.
Hit: Tyler smashed a motion-sensing gem into oblivion.
Miss: I took a mighty swing at a Fell Taint, felling a stone pillar instead.
Hit: Tyler perceived ALL of the Fell Taints.
Miss: Upon inspection, Mat determined that a door was in fact a horse. Maybe.
It is to music that I turn to describe Saturday night's Dungeons and Dragons session. Enjoy.
With most of the party MIA Mat, newcomer Tyler and I were reunited and free to complete a dungeon crawl sans morons (*cough* Kampo and Rafiki *COUGH*). This somehow went worse than if the morons had been present.
See, in D&D players roll a 20 sided dice to determine the outcome of certain actions, like attacking or attempting to stay on the back of a bucking displacer beast. But the 20 sided dice is a fickle creature, and can sometimes land in one of two critical positions: a critical miss, or a '1', or a critical hit, or a '20' on the dice.
"1's" are bad. Like bad-bad.
Criticals of either variety are uncommon at best, with one or the other popping up in a game maybe 2-3 times, max.
Saturday night, between only three players and the Dungeon Master, we had eighteen goddamned criticals. Eight-%#@*ing-teen. That's eight critical hits, mostly for Aaron, and ten critical misses, mostly between Tyler and myself.
It was bullhonky. Buuuuullllllllllhooooooooooonkyyyyyyy.
Let's take a look at a couple of highlights:
Miss: I take a swing at a giant scorpion, face-planting and flinging my maul in the process.
Hit: Said scorpion crit to buck me off.
Miss: A scorpion missed Mat, only to clamp down on his compatriot.
Hit: Tyler smashed a motion-sensing gem into oblivion.
Miss: I took a mighty swing at a Fell Taint, felling a stone pillar instead.
Hit: Tyler perceived ALL of the Fell Taints.
Miss: Upon inspection, Mat determined that a door was in fact a horse. Maybe.
And that was but a taste, people. A painful, stupid taste.
Monday, July 28, 2014
Dark Monday
Monday's are weird, people.
Hell, the saying "case of the Mondays" stands as a monument to that singular off-ness that only a Monday can bring.
I'm having a case of the Mondays.
This is quite unusual for me, as I rather like that bright and shining first (technically second) day of the week. But today is different. Monday different.
I died around 10 times during the two or so hours I played Dark Souls today, around nine times more than my current state of mind could handle. I fell to my death. I was stabbed to death. I was stabbed to death again. I was smooshed by the Taurus Demon. I was stabbed to death again.
In about four of my six or so encounters with the big bastard today I actually got him down to about 1/3 to 1/4 health. Then I'd die. Always I would die.
I finally gave up, grinded a few soul levels, then went outside and cleaned out my car. Take that Taurus Demon.
Hell, the saying "case of the Mondays" stands as a monument to that singular off-ness that only a Monday can bring.
I'm having a case of the Mondays.
This is quite unusual for me, as I rather like that bright and shining first (technically second) day of the week. But today is different. Monday different.
I died around 10 times during the two or so hours I played Dark Souls today, around nine times more than my current state of mind could handle. I fell to my death. I was stabbed to death. I was stabbed to death again. I was smooshed by the Taurus Demon. I was stabbed to death again.
In about four of my six or so encounters with the big bastard today I actually got him down to about 1/3 to 1/4 health. Then I'd die. Always I would die.
 |
| This is all my psyche could handle drawing. |
I finally gave up, grinded a few soul levels, then went outside and cleaned out my car. Take that Taurus Demon.
Monday, July 21, 2014
Monday Madness: Back Into Darkness
Back to Lordran I go, where I'll die first, nobody knows!!
It's the Asylum Demon. I died first to the Asylum Demon.
Admittedly I probably shouldn't have picked a fight with him literally five minutes into the game, as broken swords have a tendency to be quite poor weapons when used against giant flabby harbingers of doom.
So I scrapped myself off the bonfire floor and explored a bit, finding the estus flasks (R.I.P. Oscar), a shield and a sword in the process, as well as a key to a passage above the Demon.
I may have missed out on getting the jump on the demon, but it didn't stop me from whooping his infernal ass in round two.
It really didn't take me very long to pick the game back up, far less than I was anticipating. I still fumble with which buttons do what, but you can't make an omelet without accidentally cracking a few humanity. Or eggs. Man that's a nasty omelet...
I had forgotten just how beautiful and dreary the game is. I had also forgotten about the creepy chuckle that every single NPC just has to finish their dialogue with.
Shut up, guy. You only live by my grace, and my grace alone.
I'm running a warrior this time through, slightly less beefy in the defense department compared to a knight, but so far she's holding her own.
So far.
It's the Asylum Demon. I died first to the Asylum Demon.
Admittedly I probably shouldn't have picked a fight with him literally five minutes into the game, as broken swords have a tendency to be quite poor weapons when used against giant flabby harbingers of doom.
So I scrapped myself off the bonfire floor and explored a bit, finding the estus flasks (R.I.P. Oscar), a shield and a sword in the process, as well as a key to a passage above the Demon.
I may have missed out on getting the jump on the demon, but it didn't stop me from whooping his infernal ass in round two.
It really didn't take me very long to pick the game back up, far less than I was anticipating. I still fumble with which buttons do what, but you can't make an omelet without accidentally cracking a few humanity. Or eggs. Man that's a nasty omelet...
I had forgotten just how beautiful and dreary the game is. I had also forgotten about the creepy chuckle that every single NPC just has to finish their dialogue with.
 |
| ...Heh.....um.... |
I'm running a warrior this time through, slightly less beefy in the defense department compared to a knight, but so far she's holding her own.
So far.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
The Results Are In...
...and the general consensus is that everyone hates me.
The sadists have it: this coming Monday I'm hitting Dark Souls anew.
I haven't decided yet on the class I'll use, but rest assured it'll be one with a high potential for survival, because Arkay knows I'm incapable of doing so via my own abilities.
*Monotone* Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
*sobs uncontrollably*
The sadists have it: this coming Monday I'm hitting Dark Souls anew.
I haven't decided yet on the class I'll use, but rest assured it'll be one with a high potential for survival, because Arkay knows I'm incapable of doing so via my own abilities.
 |
| Throwback Thursday: Poorly remastered, because you deserve it. |
*Monotone* Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
*sobs uncontrollably*
Friday, July 11, 2014
Into a Comic, Darkly: One year and 100 posts!!!
That's right...For my 100th post I'm announcing the return of Monday Madness.
Dark Souls is coming back with a vengeance, and I'm leaving it up to you guys to choose my punishment for ignoring it for so long.
Will I:
Be shown mercy (pick up where I left off).
OR
Pay for my crimes accordingly (start completely anew).
Vote for your choice in the comments. The choice with the most votes by this Sunday night wins it.
Please...Please have mercy...
UPDATE
By complete accident today is both my 100th post AND The Geeky Cat's 1 year anniversary! Woooo!
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Madness and Money, Payday 2 Part 2
BANG! BANG!
That's not the sound of gunfire, it's the sound of me slamming my head into the wall.
This isn't due to the difficulty or repetitiveness of Payday 2. My self inflicted concussions are because of the derpiness of the PS3 Payday 2 community. Now not all of the players I meet go full retard but it has happened enough that I am afraid it's becoming an epidemic.
My full purpose behind this article was not meant to be a rage filled review. The more I played online the angrier I became. Mission after mission I had to give up on the higher amounts of money due to people charging the front door, ignoring all guards, civilians and going straight for the mission.
Now before I hear people say "What's wrong with that? It's what they're supposed to do."Understand that setting off alarms can make missions harder, longer (that's what she said) and give a bigger chance of failure.
One of the first missions in Payday 2 is a simple bank heist. The players only have to find a way around four guards, cameras and then have to control the handful of civilians in the bank. The players are given a chance to scope out the bank before starting the mission to see where the guards and cameras might be. This is a great time to do any planning. At least that's what I thought until playing with others online.
In my first few matches I played with actual people they just ran in the front door every time like madmen. They would ignore all cameras and guards going straight for the safe, getting the police called on us immediately.
Certainly these other player's veteran level didn't reflect the "madness" that has overcome them. As my level grew so did my distaste for the others that joined me. Time and time again I saw the "madness" creep into their ever so slightly sane head as they start shooting every living creature informing everyone in the city to our position and actions. What was happening to these people?
Why was this happening? Was there something wrong with the community or was there something else possibly following me around causing these people to lose all touch with their sanity?
Check out part three, when a madness of my own arises.
That's not the sound of gunfire, it's the sound of me slamming my head into the wall.
This isn't due to the difficulty or repetitiveness of Payday 2. My self inflicted concussions are because of the derpiness of the PS3 Payday 2 community. Now not all of the players I meet go full retard but it has happened enough that I am afraid it's becoming an epidemic.
My full purpose behind this article was not meant to be a rage filled review. The more I played online the angrier I became. Mission after mission I had to give up on the higher amounts of money due to people charging the front door, ignoring all guards, civilians and going straight for the mission.
Now before I hear people say "What's wrong with that? It's what they're supposed to do."Understand that setting off alarms can make missions harder, longer (that's what she said) and give a bigger chance of failure.
One of the first missions in Payday 2 is a simple bank heist. The players only have to find a way around four guards, cameras and then have to control the handful of civilians in the bank. The players are given a chance to scope out the bank before starting the mission to see where the guards and cameras might be. This is a great time to do any planning. At least that's what I thought until playing with others online.
In my first few matches I played with actual people they just ran in the front door every time like madmen. They would ignore all cameras and guards going straight for the safe, getting the police called on us immediately.
 |
| Although really the NPC AI isn't much better. "No, guys, I need to finish my smoke break. Y'all can wait 'til I'm done." |
Certainly these other player's veteran level didn't reflect the "madness" that has overcome them. As my level grew so did my distaste for the others that joined me. Time and time again I saw the "madness" creep into their ever so slightly sane head as they start shooting every living creature informing everyone in the city to our position and actions. What was happening to these people?
Why was this happening? Was there something wrong with the community or was there something else possibly following me around causing these people to lose all touch with their sanity?
Check out part three, when a madness of my own arises.
-Aaron
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
The Do's and Don'ts of makin' Moneeeeeeeeeeey
While we (not so) patiently wait for Aaron to (finally) come up with his Payday 2 Part 2 post, He and I have come up with a miniseries of sorts.
As you'll (eventually) see in his next post, there are right ways to play and wrong ways, at least to his fussy eyes, something we'll be documenting in the Do's and Don'ts of Payday 2
Enjoy!
Monday, June 30, 2014
D&Drugs (Are Bad, M'Kay?)
Today's post is brought to you by Jake and his artist, the Great Kampo (John).
After a vision quest led by the curious drug known as vision dust right now, our lord led a solitary quest into the surrounding forest.
As he needed to be off to seek divine guidance our group came to a bridge that will forever be known as the vagina to the river womb that gave birth to our lord on this day. Tossed in only what he was born with down the current he was delivered unto the world once again.
Let today be known throughout history as 'The Divine Birth'
Praise be to Kampo!!!
From the Book of Kampo:
After a vision quest led by the curious drug known as vision dust right now, our lord led a solitary quest into the surrounding forest.
As he needed to be off to seek divine guidance our group came to a bridge that will forever be known as the vagina to the river womb that gave birth to our lord on this day. Tossed in only what he was born with down the current he was delivered unto the world once again.
 |
| Drugs aside, this is why you don't smoke just...everything... -Geeky Cat |
Let today be known throughout history as 'The Divine Birth'
Praise be to Kampo!!!
Thursday, June 26, 2014
D&Dammit Kampo Part 2
Remember how I mentioned this was to be a non-combat encounter? That changed the moment Kampo stabbed Shauna in the face, and a second time as Rafiki stabbed her in the back. For nooooooo reason. None, besides irrational paranoia and a little back-talk.
See, a couple game sessions ago Kampo's bag was stolen from our room at the inn, resulting in his loss of the goopy Goblinoid head as well as his significant supply of cigars and booze. This made Kampo a bit...unbalanced.
Addictions are bad, m'kay?
With the saner members of our merry band off actually doing our job Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Jackass were free to chase the poor woman down the street. Naturally, this caused a commotion in the crowded city streets, what with two crazy men chasing down a bloody and shrieking woman. A commotion the rest of us could hear loud and clear.
I tossed the barrel I had literally just picked up and bolted in the direction of the commotion, as did Karash and the Elves. By the time we reached Shauna she was a bloody mess surrounded by townspeople, with Rafiki and Kampo closing in. Tokkichuu, in a moment of actual brilliance, erected a wall of vines between the stabbers and the stabee.
Karash ran up behind Kampo, picking him up with a bear hug. He proceeded to give Kampo the verbal lashing we had all dreamed of, with Kampo insisting she was 'evil' and 'up to something'. Doesn't matter, we argued: we're mercenaries, and she's giving us money. Doesn't matter what she's 'up to'.
With Kampo seemingly under control Karash 'leads' him back toward the Inn (and away from the general public), with Rafiki close behind, walking past Shauna's already loaded ox drawn wagon.
And this is where the trouble would have ended, had Rafiki not decided to pet the pretty ox.
Ever see Hell break loose? This was pretty similar to that. The Ox and wagon crashed down the streets, slamming into buildings and pedestrians alike. Karash chucked Kampo and jumped on the raging beast. Barrels crashed to the ground and Kampo, sensing an opportunity for who knows what, began cracking them open, ignoring the comrade in mortal peril not five feet from him.
Open a barrel: Papers
Open a barrel: Gold
Open a barrel: More papers
Open a barrel: Even more papers
Open a barrel: A bound, gagged and unconscious body
Well &$%#.
Next time on D&Dumb: The Scarlet Steel try yet again to actually complete a job. Can the party protect their latest patron from Kampo and Rafiki's shenanigans?
See, a couple game sessions ago Kampo's bag was stolen from our room at the inn, resulting in his loss of the goopy Goblinoid head as well as his significant supply of cigars and booze. This made Kampo a bit...unbalanced.
Addictions are bad, m'kay?
With the saner members of our merry band off actually doing our job Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Jackass were free to chase the poor woman down the street. Naturally, this caused a commotion in the crowded city streets, what with two crazy men chasing down a bloody and shrieking woman. A commotion the rest of us could hear loud and clear.
I tossed the barrel I had literally just picked up and bolted in the direction of the commotion, as did Karash and the Elves. By the time we reached Shauna she was a bloody mess surrounded by townspeople, with Rafiki and Kampo closing in. Tokkichuu, in a moment of actual brilliance, erected a wall of vines between the stabbers and the stabee.
Karash ran up behind Kampo, picking him up with a bear hug. He proceeded to give Kampo the verbal lashing we had all dreamed of, with Kampo insisting she was 'evil' and 'up to something'. Doesn't matter, we argued: we're mercenaries, and she's giving us money. Doesn't matter what she's 'up to'.
With Kampo seemingly under control Karash 'leads' him back toward the Inn (and away from the general public), with Rafiki close behind, walking past Shauna's already loaded ox drawn wagon.
And this is where the trouble would have ended, had Rafiki not decided to pet the pretty ox.
Ever see Hell break loose? This was pretty similar to that. The Ox and wagon crashed down the streets, slamming into buildings and pedestrians alike. Karash chucked Kampo and jumped on the raging beast. Barrels crashed to the ground and Kampo, sensing an opportunity for who knows what, began cracking them open, ignoring the comrade in mortal peril not five feet from him.
Open a barrel: Papers
Open a barrel: Gold
Open a barrel: More papers
Open a barrel: Even more papers
Open a barrel: A bound, gagged and unconscious body
Well &$%#.
Next time on D&Dumb: The Scarlet Steel try yet again to actually complete a job. Can the party protect their latest patron from Kampo and Rafiki's shenanigans?
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
D&Dammit Kampo, Part 1
With us this week was yet another fresh faced adventurer, aka D&D noob, Emily.
Our current campaign, as well as any other we've run in the past, uses D&D 4th edition. Now, before you Master Race Pathfinder players and 3.5 advocates get all uppity let me say this: shut up.
Now, admittedly 4th edition can be a bit combat heavy. Just a little. But today was to be a special encounter, Aaron told us: a combat style encounter with, get this: no combat. Sweet.
We started the evening's activities with a visit from the Scarlet Steel head office, an Orcish agent dropping off a new recruit, Emily, aka Eimile, aka 'the other elf'. She was just in time to witness an NPC named Shauna crashing through the tavern doors in desperate need of our particular line of skills: Pack bitches
I had worked with Shauna previously, body guarding, being a sentient mule, the usual boring mercenary stuff. The important thing is she gave me money, and I saw this as an opportunity to claim more of the same. Shauna was desperate, and desperation could give me the edge in payroll negotiations. I grabbed Tokkichuu (Marissa) and the rookie and tailed Shauna outside, with Karash (Mat) and the idiot twins Kampo an Rafiki (John and Jake) hot on our heels.
She needed to get out of town, fast, but first she needed her stuff. Finally, it was my time to shine. No more sitting worthless in narrow hallways. I knew exactly where all her barrels and crates were (since I was the lucky mule that put them there). I sent Karash after some of the barrels, taking the Elves with me, leaving Rafiki and Kampo to do Pelor knows what, probably stand around farting and giggling at each other.
But there was no farting, nor giggling. The moment we left earshot Kampo's inner sociopath woke up for the day to discover Shauna right in front of him.
This is where it gets dumb.
Our current campaign, as well as any other we've run in the past, uses D&D 4th edition. Now, before you Master Race Pathfinder players and 3.5 advocates get all uppity let me say this: shut up.
Now, admittedly 4th edition can be a bit combat heavy. Just a little. But today was to be a special encounter, Aaron told us: a combat style encounter with, get this: no combat. Sweet.
We started the evening's activities with a visit from the Scarlet Steel head office, an Orcish agent dropping off a new recruit, Emily, aka Eimile, aka 'the other elf'. She was just in time to witness an NPC named Shauna crashing through the tavern doors in desperate need of our particular line of skills: Pack bitches
I had worked with Shauna previously, body guarding, being a sentient mule, the usual boring mercenary stuff. The important thing is she gave me money, and I saw this as an opportunity to claim more of the same. Shauna was desperate, and desperation could give me the edge in payroll negotiations. I grabbed Tokkichuu (Marissa) and the rookie and tailed Shauna outside, with Karash (Mat) and the idiot twins Kampo an Rafiki (John and Jake) hot on our heels.
She needed to get out of town, fast, but first she needed her stuff. Finally, it was my time to shine. No more sitting worthless in narrow hallways. I knew exactly where all her barrels and crates were (since I was the lucky mule that put them there). I sent Karash after some of the barrels, taking the Elves with me, leaving Rafiki and Kampo to do Pelor knows what, probably stand around farting and giggling at each other.
But there was no farting, nor giggling. The moment we left earshot Kampo's inner sociopath woke up for the day to discover Shauna right in front of him.
This is where it gets dumb.
Monday, May 26, 2014
Fletch, You Fools!
At the insistence of Aaron I have signed back into my old Runescape account, after more than a year and a half's absence.
I may have a bit of catching up to do...
Saturday, May 24, 2014
D&Dumb
Last night saw day two of our great quest in our Dungeons and Dragon's campaign and our mercenary group, The Scarlet Steel, ain't exactly off to an epic start.
We started back where we left off: In a dilapidated ruin filled with the now dead tentacle monsters of the week before. John and Jake are taking turns throwing various objects down the giant pit taking up part of the room, from sunrods to urine, waiting for something to jump out and latch onto their faces.
When that fails to entertain them past five minutes we finally begin tackling our greatest quandary: Which door do we check first? With four to chose from and five of us to argue over it little progress is made, until John takes the initiative and runs face first into one of the doors.
Stepping over John's dazed form we discover the door in fact has a handle, though this information helped us little since the damn thing was locked.
Jake, our resident thief, our thief, decides that, like the walls around us, surely the door must also be magical. One failed arcana check later and Jake is convinced that not only is the door magical, but there appears to be a strange symbol upon the door exactly in the shape of John's face. Surely this can mean but one thing.
The prophecies have spoken. John is a god. PRAISE BE TO KAMPO!!!!!
I...I don't even....
It is at this point my character, Mara Ironfist, sulks off to meditate on the level of stupid she just witnessed.
Meanwhile it is agreed upon by the more able-minded among us that perhaps the door's lock and the strange platform over the pit might be related in some way. Maybe. We weren't sure. Mat solved the issue by picking up one of the dead tentacle guys and chucking on top of the platform. A loud kerchunck, or perhaps more of a sheeeeeeeck (many arguments were had over exactly what sound was made) announced the opening of the doors.
Marissa, our Druid, and I barged through the first door, ready to kick ass and chew bubble gum. Sadly we were all out of gum, and sadder still we were blasted by a fire rune for our trouble. Curiosity may not of killed these cats, but it certainly singed our whiskers.
That door sucked, so we tried a different one. This one proved to be far more promising, housing a couple of goblins discussing their baby-dinner plans. Things to kill? Check. Morally sound reason for said killing? Check. Time to party.
And by party I mean watch Mat kill everything. Oh well, at least my maul didn't get dirty.
We started back where we left off: In a dilapidated ruin filled with the now dead tentacle monsters of the week before. John and Jake are taking turns throwing various objects down the giant pit taking up part of the room, from sunrods to urine, waiting for something to jump out and latch onto their faces.
When that fails to entertain them past five minutes we finally begin tackling our greatest quandary: Which door do we check first? With four to chose from and five of us to argue over it little progress is made, until John takes the initiative and runs face first into one of the doors.
Stepping over John's dazed form we discover the door in fact has a handle, though this information helped us little since the damn thing was locked.
Jake, our resident thief, our thief, decides that, like the walls around us, surely the door must also be magical. One failed arcana check later and Jake is convinced that not only is the door magical, but there appears to be a strange symbol upon the door exactly in the shape of John's face. Surely this can mean but one thing.
The prophecies have spoken. John is a god. PRAISE BE TO KAMPO!!!!!
I...I don't even....
It is at this point my character, Mara Ironfist, sulks off to meditate on the level of stupid she just witnessed.
Meanwhile it is agreed upon by the more able-minded among us that perhaps the door's lock and the strange platform over the pit might be related in some way. Maybe. We weren't sure. Mat solved the issue by picking up one of the dead tentacle guys and chucking on top of the platform. A loud kerchunck, or perhaps more of a sheeeeeeeck (many arguments were had over exactly what sound was made) announced the opening of the doors.
Marissa, our Druid, and I barged through the first door, ready to kick ass and chew bubble gum. Sadly we were all out of gum, and sadder still we were blasted by a fire rune for our trouble. Curiosity may not of killed these cats, but it certainly singed our whiskers.
That door sucked, so we tried a different one. This one proved to be far more promising, housing a couple of goblins discussing their baby-dinner plans. Things to kill? Check. Morally sound reason for said killing? Check. Time to party.
And by party I mean watch Mat kill everything. Oh well, at least my maul didn't get dirty.
Friday, May 23, 2014
Pokenoucments
Who doesn't love them some Pokemon? It fills a nerd's baser urges for cute, murderous animals as well as our crippling hoarding habits.
Soul Silver, my most recent attempt to 'catchem' all', was a remake of the original Pokemon Silver, one of the games in the series' second generation.
The Poke-franchise is now six generations deep or whatever, with over 700 of the little bastards to catch. Or something. I seriously lost count.
Anyway, imagine my surprise when I saw the recent announcement that a new remake was on the horizon: Pokemon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire, based off of the third generation of the series.
When will this stop?
Honestly I love Pokemon, Red was the first video game I ever bought myself. But much like a delicious pepperoni pizza sitting on the counter for a couple days it's beginning to smell and should probably be thrown out lest someone accidentally eat it.
In other news, Geeky Cat's jumping on the Youtubes!!
Ladies and germs, meet Jake, our newest initiate into the Geeky fold! He and Aaron will be playing all sorts of weird and random games, like Attack on Titan, Ace of Spades, and more!
I'll also be throwing in some good old table top madness, with the introduction of our brand new Dungeons and Dragons campaign. Day one started with me standing in various hallways, our good buddy John lying on the ground every other turn, and Jake up there stealing literally our only light sources, for no other reason than because he could.
Methinks this quest has potential.
Soul Silver, my most recent attempt to 'catchem' all', was a remake of the original Pokemon Silver, one of the games in the series' second generation.
The Poke-franchise is now six generations deep or whatever, with over 700 of the little bastards to catch. Or something. I seriously lost count.
Anyway, imagine my surprise when I saw the recent announcement that a new remake was on the horizon: Pokemon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire, based off of the third generation of the series.
 |
| You're scaring all the Pidgeys away! |
When will this stop?
Honestly I love Pokemon, Red was the first video game I ever bought myself. But much like a delicious pepperoni pizza sitting on the counter for a couple days it's beginning to smell and should probably be thrown out lest someone accidentally eat it.
In other news, Geeky Cat's jumping on the Youtubes!!
Ladies and germs, meet Jake, our newest initiate into the Geeky fold! He and Aaron will be playing all sorts of weird and random games, like Attack on Titan, Ace of Spades, and more!
I'll also be throwing in some good old table top madness, with the introduction of our brand new Dungeons and Dragons campaign. Day one started with me standing in various hallways, our good buddy John lying on the ground every other turn, and Jake up there stealing literally our only light sources, for no other reason than because he could.
Methinks this quest has potential.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Adventures at ACen, Part 2
Last weekend Aaron, myself and five of our friends made the yearly pilgrimage to Anime Central (ACen), an anime convention in Rosemont, Illinois.
Saturday:
 |
| Merchants all around let out a simultaneous tinkle |
But to our group Saturday can mean only one thing: Drunken Mech battles.
A company called Virtual World provides the playground for every Gundam fan out there in the form of six giant robot cockpit pods. Inside there's all the controls you need to control your very own murderbot, which you get to pick from the dozens of choices available in one of the four size categories: Light, medium, heavy and assault classes.
So we all got good and liquored up. When we finally made our way to the mech room it was already about 10 or 11 pm, with another hour to wait our turn. I naturally picked the Arctic Wolf mech, because damn that's an awesome name, then I sat down on the floor and waited. And waited. Have you ever waited for something while drunk? It's torture. So I got bored and asked for a piece of paper.
 |
| Don't drink and draw, kids, mkay? |
Sadly my illusions of victory were just that, illusions. I got last place.
Sunday:
 |
| It almost looks good enough to eat. Almost. |
Back at the van we discovered someone had graciously gifted us with an entire submarine sandwich, deposited on the wall directly in front of our van. Sadly we had already planned on having lunch at Wendy's, so we left the sandwich for a hungry pigeon, or perhaps a less discerning cosplayer who may have eaten nothing but ramen and pocky for three days.
Halfway to Wendy's we discovered part of the sandwich had decided to hitch a ride, with a single tomato elegantly draped upon Aaron's side mirror.
That tomato stayed there the whole way home.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Does This Mean We Level Up?
I promised part two of the ACen post today, but in light of recent events (namely me checking the calendar for once) I'm making a substitute post.
It has been 10 years today since Aaron and I set out on the greatest quest of all: Love.
Before you ask, my favorite cheese is mozzarella.
Anyway, this quest has been one wrought with peril. With Goblins nipping at our heels and Dragons BBQing our backsides we've made it to the top of Mount Doom, Mount Danger, and Mount Obviously Evil and back in what most experts would agree is one piece.
Thank you my dearest Player Two for 10 amazing years. 10 amazing years of gaming and geekery.
I love you, Aaron, happy anniversary.
Here's to the rest of our lives.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Adventures at ACen, Part 1
Ah Anime Central... That marvelous time of year when the gang and I all cram ourselves into a tiny hotel room for the purpose of dressing like morons and partying for three days straight.
Anime Central, or ACen, is a rather large (more like friggin' humongous) anime convention held every year in Rosemont, Illinois, a mere hop, skip and a jump (plus four hours, give or take) from home. 'Tis a tradition we have upheld for many years now, with each new year bringing new cosplays and new shenanigans.
Like last year we chose to stay the the Aloft Hotel, a place that, while nice and quiet for a convention hotel, was also about a mile walk from the convention center. All the better to combat the all junk-food diet during conventions, I guess.
Unlike last year it was unnaturally cold outside. It's May, mother nature, no need for friggin' snow conditions. Thankfully Aaron and I chose somewhat warm cosplays.
Somewhat.
Day one we decided to be characters from the anime Kenichi: World's Mightiest Disciple, with me dressing as Kisara Nanjo (or Valkyrie) and Aaron rocking it as Ukita Kozo the Thrower. Saturday we glammed it up with a corset and layered skirts for me and a suit for Aaron as he cosplayed Wolf, his favorite of the four Payday guys.
Naturally we start our adventure with a last minute panic to get everything ready and packed, with me taking quick breaks in order to finish the mask for Aaron's Payday cosplay, because of course it wasn't finished. We hop into the van a mere two hours after our intended take off time, making multiple stops along the way to grab all the last minute things we forgot to grab before hand.
We managed to get to the hotel at an uncharacteristically decent time this year, rolling into the lobby around 4 or 5 pm. Of course such a flawless execution cannot go unsullied, as one of our number realized at the hotel that he had forgotten all of his bags, including the badge needed for entry to the convention, at home. We spent the remainder of Thursday evening cramming seven people's stuff into a two person hotel room and play-testing our game Employee of the Month while waiting on our forgetful friend.
We start the day by cramming ourselves into our tiny bathroom area to get ready. With five cosplayers all jockeying for a spot by the sink, I wandered, mostly dressed (in costume, of course), toward the lobby bathrooms, picking up a follower in the process. A woman wearing a tube top and a scraggly black boa tailed me awkwardly into the bathroom, where after a long pause told me she loved Valkyrie and asked if she could hug me.
With Aaron and I costumed up we hit the con. We spent the day taking in the sights, for better or for worse, and perusing the merchant room. When drooling over what couldn't be got boring we hit the game room, a space consisting of a couple dozen gigantic old tube TV's and home game consoles like the NES and PlayStation. Aaron thoroughly whooped myself and our friend Ares at Tetris before the gang moved over to a couple quick rounds of Mortal Combat 2, where I had mild success with my frantic button-mashing strategy.
Toward the end of the afternoon we returned to the hotel for a rough game of Pick the Pizza Place, after which Aaron and I hit up a two hour improv workshop. After barely getting in the door (place was packed) Aaron took a ticket to participate while I took a seat to watch.
The workshop consisted of four 'team leaders' all wearing different Pokemon shirts, an Ash Ketchum, and a nurse Joy. You might think this means there was a theme. It didn't. I still have no idea where Pokemon factored into this.
After 30-45 minutes of watching the 40 or so participants circle the room walking like ogres and squeaking like mice they broke off into four groups, Aaron falling in with the Pikachu's. 15 more minutes were dedicated to either singing or passing back and forth an unwanted imaginary platter of spaghetti in Italian accents of varying levels of offensiveness.
Finally there were four short improve shows, each put on by one of the groups, during which any of the group's members could jump in at any time and the plot changed erratically. Now, I won't say they were bad. I certainly couldn't have done half as well. What I will say is it was with a warm wave of relief when the final group concluded their performance. But hey, we learned a few things for LARPing and D&D AND Aaron won a Pokemon movie DvD.
Added bonus: We got to watch a guy get arrested on the way back to the hotel room.
 |
| Man it sure looked nice... For about five minutes |
Like last year we chose to stay the the Aloft Hotel, a place that, while nice and quiet for a convention hotel, was also about a mile walk from the convention center. All the better to combat the all junk-food diet during conventions, I guess.
Unlike last year it was unnaturally cold outside. It's May, mother nature, no need for friggin' snow conditions. Thankfully Aaron and I chose somewhat warm cosplays.
Somewhat.
Day one we decided to be characters from the anime Kenichi: World's Mightiest Disciple, with me dressing as Kisara Nanjo (or Valkyrie) and Aaron rocking it as Ukita Kozo the Thrower. Saturday we glammed it up with a corset and layered skirts for me and a suit for Aaron as he cosplayed Wolf, his favorite of the four Payday guys.
Thursday:
We managed to get to the hotel at an uncharacteristically decent time this year, rolling into the lobby around 4 or 5 pm. Of course such a flawless execution cannot go unsullied, as one of our number realized at the hotel that he had forgotten all of his bags, including the badge needed for entry to the convention, at home. We spent the remainder of Thursday evening cramming seven people's stuff into a two person hotel room and play-testing our game Employee of the Month while waiting on our forgetful friend.
Friday:
 |
| Because Tetris |
With Aaron and I costumed up we hit the con. We spent the day taking in the sights, for better or for worse, and perusing the merchant room. When drooling over what couldn't be got boring we hit the game room, a space consisting of a couple dozen gigantic old tube TV's and home game consoles like the NES and PlayStation. Aaron thoroughly whooped myself and our friend Ares at Tetris before the gang moved over to a couple quick rounds of Mortal Combat 2, where I had mild success with my frantic button-mashing strategy.
Toward the end of the afternoon we returned to the hotel for a rough game of Pick the Pizza Place, after which Aaron and I hit up a two hour improv workshop. After barely getting in the door (place was packed) Aaron took a ticket to participate while I took a seat to watch.
The workshop consisted of four 'team leaders' all wearing different Pokemon shirts, an Ash Ketchum, and a nurse Joy. You might think this means there was a theme. It didn't. I still have no idea where Pokemon factored into this.
After 30-45 minutes of watching the 40 or so participants circle the room walking like ogres and squeaking like mice they broke off into four groups, Aaron falling in with the Pikachu's. 15 more minutes were dedicated to either singing or passing back and forth an unwanted imaginary platter of spaghetti in Italian accents of varying levels of offensiveness.
Finally there were four short improve shows, each put on by one of the groups, during which any of the group's members could jump in at any time and the plot changed erratically. Now, I won't say they were bad. I certainly couldn't have done half as well. What I will say is it was with a warm wave of relief when the final group concluded their performance. But hey, we learned a few things for LARPing and D&D AND Aaron won a Pokemon movie DvD.
Added bonus: We got to watch a guy get arrested on the way back to the hotel room.
This con's just getting started, folks. Check back tomorrow for the good stuff in part 2!!!
Monday, May 5, 2014
Aaron's Payday: Part 1
The weekend is a time for barbecues, road trips and relaxing. My weekends consist of cooking meth, robbing banks and killing off cartels. I'm not living in an episode of Breaking Bad, I am just playing Payday 2.
Now that I am probably on most government watch lists and this blog and my home is probably under surveillance, let me explain Payday 2. Payday 2 is a 4 player cooperative first person shooter. The player controls one of the four men as they perform crimes all over Washington DC. Players are able to choose from several different jobs including uncovering a corrupt senator, killing off high members of a cartel, robbing a bank and stealing experimental technology. The number of jobs and heists grows with each update that is released.
Payday 2 can be played both as a single player game and an online multiplayer game. While there is no centralized plot to the game other than you are a career criminal, there is a story to each heist you partake in. Each heist wraps up it's story by the end. As I mentioned before there is a job where the person hiring you wishes to uncover a corrupt senator. The job of the player is to then break into an art museum and steal several paintings. The paintings then have cameras installed into them and are sold to the senator's people. Once the paintings are hung in the senator's condo, the player uses the cameras to sneak in, steal personal electronics that have proof and details of illegal arms trading, plant cocaine in the senator's personal vault and steal the senator's illicit gold fund.
Each successful, and sometimes unsuccessful, mission yields money and experience for the player. Experience is used to level up which gives skill points to be used in certain class skills as well as unlocks other weapons and body armor. The money is then used by the player to purchase the new weapons and modifications for them. The money seems to have little use other than allowing the player to respec their skills, purchase items to make jobs easier and purchasing certain jobs to make more money. That's right, the player has to purchase a job from the contractor if they wish to perform a certain heist at a certain difficulty. Otherwise the player sits at the mission screen until they see a job they want to do.
The game does try it's best to disapprove of needless violence. If a player is to injure any civilians they are penalized with a large monetary fine and the game raises the difficulty level. The game does emphasize that no civilians should be harmed which is a feature that most first person shooters either touch lightly on or ignore completely.
Payday 2 is available now on PlayStation 3, Xbox 360 and PC.
Be sure to watch for part two of my look at Payday 2 where we look at my experiences behind the mask.
 |
| I gotta pay for this bitchin' get-up somehow |
Now that I am probably on most government watch lists and this blog and my home is probably under surveillance, let me explain Payday 2. Payday 2 is a 4 player cooperative first person shooter. The player controls one of the four men as they perform crimes all over Washington DC. Players are able to choose from several different jobs including uncovering a corrupt senator, killing off high members of a cartel, robbing a bank and stealing experimental technology. The number of jobs and heists grows with each update that is released.
Payday 2 can be played both as a single player game and an online multiplayer game. While there is no centralized plot to the game other than you are a career criminal, there is a story to each heist you partake in. Each heist wraps up it's story by the end. As I mentioned before there is a job where the person hiring you wishes to uncover a corrupt senator. The job of the player is to then break into an art museum and steal several paintings. The paintings then have cameras installed into them and are sold to the senator's people. Once the paintings are hung in the senator's condo, the player uses the cameras to sneak in, steal personal electronics that have proof and details of illegal arms trading, plant cocaine in the senator's personal vault and steal the senator's illicit gold fund.
Each successful, and sometimes unsuccessful, mission yields money and experience for the player. Experience is used to level up which gives skill points to be used in certain class skills as well as unlocks other weapons and body armor. The money is then used by the player to purchase the new weapons and modifications for them. The money seems to have little use other than allowing the player to respec their skills, purchase items to make jobs easier and purchasing certain jobs to make more money. That's right, the player has to purchase a job from the contractor if they wish to perform a certain heist at a certain difficulty. Otherwise the player sits at the mission screen until they see a job they want to do.
 |
| The exciting world of organized crime! |
The game does try it's best to disapprove of needless violence. If a player is to injure any civilians they are penalized with a large monetary fine and the game raises the difficulty level. The game does emphasize that no civilians should be harmed which is a feature that most first person shooters either touch lightly on or ignore completely.
Payday 2 is available now on PlayStation 3, Xbox 360 and PC.
Be sure to watch for part two of my look at Payday 2 where we look at my experiences behind the mask.
Monday, March 31, 2014
Updaaaaate
I've mentioned before that Aaron and I are making our own card game. The game, Employee of the Month, pits coworker against coworker to earn the praises of the customers.
The whole project has been a massive learning experience for the both of us. Aaron has had to take his video game designing knowledge and twist it to fit the table top genre and I've had to draw a whole lotta pictures.
Like, seriously, alot.
All of this hard work is finally paying off. I'm happy to announce we're in the home stretch. Most of the cards are done and those that aren't are being finalized.
The game has come a long way from scraps of paper shoved into Magic card sleeves.
It's been a hard road and while the end is in sight it's still a long way off.
As I've said, its been a learning experience, so we've both done alot of bumbling around. Draw a picture, color it, finalize it, and whoops it doesn't fit. Create a few pictures to be used as icons (see angry red face above) only to learn they won't work. In some cases I'll have finished a picture only to learn that card was being left out of the final game.
As much as I complain (and I do complain) I really don't have it nearly as hard as Aaron. On top of actually creating the game poor guy's the one who has to put all the cards together, a process I wouldn't wish on anyone.
Right now our biggest hurdle is trying to balance the customer cards, something that's thrown us since day one. Balance it one way and every customer's a cake walk. Balance it another and suddenly it's round 57 and nobody has yet to earn anything.
Despite the balancing setback the game's thiiiiiis close to completion, so be sure to keep an eye out for the big announcement, and wish us luck!
The whole project has been a massive learning experience for the both of us. Aaron has had to take his video game designing knowledge and twist it to fit the table top genre and I've had to draw a whole lotta pictures.
Like, seriously, alot.
All of this hard work is finally paying off. I'm happy to announce we're in the home stretch. Most of the cards are done and those that aren't are being finalized.
The game has come a long way from scraps of paper shoved into Magic card sleeves.
 |
| Like, seriously a long way |
It's been a hard road and while the end is in sight it's still a long way off.
As I've said, its been a learning experience, so we've both done alot of bumbling around. Draw a picture, color it, finalize it, and whoops it doesn't fit. Create a few pictures to be used as icons (see angry red face above) only to learn they won't work. In some cases I'll have finished a picture only to learn that card was being left out of the final game.
As much as I complain (and I do complain) I really don't have it nearly as hard as Aaron. On top of actually creating the game poor guy's the one who has to put all the cards together, a process I wouldn't wish on anyone.
Right now our biggest hurdle is trying to balance the customer cards, something that's thrown us since day one. Balance it one way and every customer's a cake walk. Balance it another and suddenly it's round 57 and nobody has yet to earn anything.
Despite the balancing setback the game's thiiiiiis close to completion, so be sure to keep an eye out for the big announcement, and wish us luck!
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Pokeball's a shape...
Contrary to my personal intuition and the dusting of snow on my front porch, Spring is apparently upon us. You know what that meeeeeeeaaaaaaaannnnnnnssss!
Time to ditch the sweaters and don the bikinis cause Summer's 'round the bend!
But whats this? Fluffy Winter insulation around the midsection? Curses!
Now, nerds aren't known for their physical prowess or 'shape', and while I'm far from the typical stereotype I've certainly got my share of fluff.
Thankfully Nintendo's got my back. Sold with every (new) copy of Soul Silver and Heart Gold was the Pokewalker, a Pokeball shaped pedometer that could hold a single Pokemon. Walking helped the Pokemon level up, as well as having minigames for items and the ability to catch a Pokemon. Exercise seems a small price to pay to avoid the grind or the daycare.
The only real downside to the Pokewalker was the fact that no matter how many steps you took, no matter how many days you left your Pokemon in there, once retrieved the Pokemon will only have gained one level. Just one. Guess that prevents someone from tossing a level one in there and marathoning it up to 99.
Sadly I'm pretty sure that no Pokegame since has made use of the Pokewalker, which is a damn shame. It's a pretty good pedometer, and frankly everything, especially exercise, is better with minigames.
Time to ditch the sweaters and don the bikinis cause Summer's 'round the bend!
But whats this? Fluffy Winter insulation around the midsection? Curses!
Now, nerds aren't known for their physical prowess or 'shape', and while I'm far from the typical stereotype I've certainly got my share of fluff.
Thankfully Nintendo's got my back. Sold with every (new) copy of Soul Silver and Heart Gold was the Pokewalker, a Pokeball shaped pedometer that could hold a single Pokemon. Walking helped the Pokemon level up, as well as having minigames for items and the ability to catch a Pokemon. Exercise seems a small price to pay to avoid the grind or the daycare.
The only real downside to the Pokewalker was the fact that no matter how many steps you took, no matter how many days you left your Pokemon in there, once retrieved the Pokemon will only have gained one level. Just one. Guess that prevents someone from tossing a level one in there and marathoning it up to 99.
Sadly I'm pretty sure that no Pokegame since has made use of the Pokewalker, which is a damn shame. It's a pretty good pedometer, and frankly everything, especially exercise, is better with minigames.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
In Memoriam
Today was going to be yet another post about Pokemon. Why not? People love Pokemon. I love Pokemon. But late last night I updated Guild Wars 2 in quivering anticipation, eager to take the next step in a freshly Scarlet-less Tyria.
What's next? Will the freshly awakened dragon arise and lay waste to the land? Will the Aetherblade Pirates, Toxic or Molten Alliances continue their rampage to fill the vacuum left by Scarlet? Will Quaggans rise up and take over the world?!
Hell if I know, and hell if anyone will know for a while. The Living Story: The ever changing, ever evolving events of the world, is gone.
Just...Gone.
Arena Net did warn of the Living Story's impending hiatus, however the future is still uncertain. While Arena Net has said it will bring the Living Story back, it neglected to state when, adding that when it does return it may be completely different. Or not. They haven't decided yet.
What's next? Will the freshly awakened dragon arise and lay waste to the land? Will the Aetherblade Pirates, Toxic or Molten Alliances continue their rampage to fill the vacuum left by Scarlet? Will Quaggans rise up and take over the world?!
Hell if I know, and hell if anyone will know for a while. The Living Story: The ever changing, ever evolving events of the world, is gone.
Just...Gone.
 |
| Somehow this moment actually became sad, in spite of the kite-wielding quaggan. |
Arena Net did warn of the Living Story's impending hiatus, however the future is still uncertain. While Arena Net has said it will bring the Living Story back, it neglected to state when, adding that when it does return it may be completely different. Or not. They haven't decided yet.
It's as if a void suddenly exploded into being. We've spent almost a year dealing with Scarlet's shenanigans, and now there's seemingly nothing to replace it.
Not all is lost, however. While there isn't a current chapter in the Living Story and none for the foreseeable future, that's not to say it's gone forever. Scarlet's madness had a method, and more insanity is sure to arise.
I just haven't the foggiest idea what to do with myself in the meantime.
Not all is lost, however. While there isn't a current chapter in the Living Story and none for the foreseeable future, that's not to say it's gone forever. Scarlet's madness had a method, and more insanity is sure to arise.
I just haven't the foggiest idea what to do with myself in the meantime.
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| Running with Moas can only entertain for so long |
Monday, March 17, 2014
Grind It, Baby
That's right, kids, lets talk 'bout grinding.
RPG grinding.
Like it or not grinding has become a part of gaming, a tradition going back to many of the earliest RPG's. Be it for levels or loot grinding has almost become ubiquitous in gaming, almost to the point of the grind becoming the gameplay.
Why do we grind? The most common reason is to gain levels. In Pokemon Soul Silver I have reached a point where my Pokemon simply don't cut it anymore. At an average level of 24 they are, for reasons unknown and probably unrelated to my perceived incompetence as a trainer, getting stomped by enemies a couple levels lower than themselves. What's a cat to do? Grind.
I set up camp on route 37, just outside of Ecruteak City. I have spent a couple hours combing the grass, encountering mid-teen level Vulpix, Pidgeys, and Stantlers.
Stantlers are by and far the best experience points in the area, giving more than double that of the other Pokemon. Fighting them, however, can be fairly annoying, particularly if it's my Gyrados Poseidon doing the fighting.
Over and over and over again.
Grinding isn't limited to levels or loot: some players feel the need to grind the game. The Living Story in Guild Wars 2 has fallen victim to this practice, with players swarming the severs on the Tuesday updates in order to be the first to see the latest content. These players complete the new content in a matter of hours, then spend the next two to four weeks bitching about the lack of new content and the obvious shortcomings of the present.
Meanwhile those of us that don't make it to opening update ceremonies or, like me, prefer to play the content quite a bit, are left all alone in an empty arena fighting something that needs half a server to take down.
It's criminal, people.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have another 800 Meowths I need to kill while I wait for the Flowery Bitch's BFF.
RPG grinding.
Like it or not grinding has become a part of gaming, a tradition going back to many of the earliest RPG's. Be it for levels or loot grinding has almost become ubiquitous in gaming, almost to the point of the grind becoming the gameplay.
Why do we grind? The most common reason is to gain levels. In Pokemon Soul Silver I have reached a point where my Pokemon simply don't cut it anymore. At an average level of 24 they are, for reasons unknown and probably unrelated to my perceived incompetence as a trainer, getting stomped by enemies a couple levels lower than themselves. What's a cat to do? Grind.
I set up camp on route 37, just outside of Ecruteak City. I have spent a couple hours combing the grass, encountering mid-teen level Vulpix, Pidgeys, and Stantlers.
Stantlers are by and far the best experience points in the area, giving more than double that of the other Pokemon. Fighting them, however, can be fairly annoying, particularly if it's my Gyrados Poseidon doing the fighting.
Poseidon's intimidate cuts the wild Stantler's attack!
The wild Stantler's intimidate cuts Poseidon's attack!
 |
| The staring contest alone can sometimes take hours |
Poseidon's intimidate cuts the wild Stantler's attack!
The wild Stantler's intimidate cuts Poseidon's attack!
Over and over and over again.
Grinding isn't limited to levels or loot: some players feel the need to grind the game. The Living Story in Guild Wars 2 has fallen victim to this practice, with players swarming the severs on the Tuesday updates in order to be the first to see the latest content. These players complete the new content in a matter of hours, then spend the next two to four weeks bitching about the lack of new content and the obvious shortcomings of the present.
 |
| We've cleaned up after this flowery bitch for over a year and you guys wanna rush this? |
Meanwhile those of us that don't make it to opening update ceremonies or, like me, prefer to play the content quite a bit, are left all alone in an empty arena fighting something that needs half a server to take down.
It's criminal, people.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have another 800 Meowths I need to kill while I wait for the Flowery Bitch's BFF.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Monday, March 10, 2014
Dejamon
After two attempts and 40 minutes of pressing the A button as fast as my thumb could bear I was Finally back on track. I had Mr. Pokemon's egg (but sadly no skillet).
The next few hours became a blur. Zephyr Badge, mine. Grind grind grind grind. Level grind in the grass. Level grind through a cave. Level grind all over Team Rocket's face.
It's about this time that I realize just how...off my team is. I've got my evolved starter, Quilava, a Hoot Hoot, an apparently inedible egg, a Magicarp, and a bitch Rattata (my HM dump), who hasn't gained more than two levels since his capture. Be the very best indeed.
Despite the obvious... shortcomings of my team we still manage to win our battles, making friends along the way, a fact I'm beginning to regret.
See, I have a neat little gadget called a Pokegear, which is kind of a smart phone with like 5 apps, and also kinda like a paperweight. It can tune in to the radio, show me a world map, and even make calls. It can also receive calls.
Which is a problem.
Between Youngster Joey and my mother my Pokegear is forever glued to my digital ear, besieged by tales of Rattatas and failed Hoot Hoot capturings.
Couple more blurred hours later and I'm now the indifferent owner of three badges, a Gyrados, a Vulpix, and a Togapi (which admittedly looks far tastier post-hatching).
Maybe I could use some of those berries, after all. Anyone got a recipe for a good marinade?
The next few hours became a blur. Zephyr Badge, mine. Grind grind grind grind. Level grind in the grass. Level grind through a cave. Level grind all over Team Rocket's face.
It's about this time that I realize just how...off my team is. I've got my evolved starter, Quilava, a Hoot Hoot, an apparently inedible egg, a Magicarp, and a bitch Rattata (my HM dump), who hasn't gained more than two levels since his capture. Be the very best indeed.
Despite the obvious... shortcomings of my team we still manage to win our battles, making friends along the way, a fact I'm beginning to regret.
See, I have a neat little gadget called a Pokegear, which is kind of a smart phone with like 5 apps, and also kinda like a paperweight. It can tune in to the radio, show me a world map, and even make calls. It can also receive calls.
Which is a problem.
Between Youngster Joey and my mother my Pokegear is forever glued to my digital ear, besieged by tales of Rattatas and failed Hoot Hoot capturings.
Couple more blurred hours later and I'm now the indifferent owner of three badges, a Gyrados, a Vulpix, and a Togapi (which admittedly looks far tastier post-hatching).
Maybe I could use some of those berries, after all. Anyone got a recipe for a good marinade?
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Gotta Catch'em ALLLLLLLL
Many years ago a young me saved up all the pennies she could (90's kids were paid exclusively in pennies) over the course of a summer to make her first big purchase: a Gameboy Color. I waltzed into the local Walmart, pennies jingling happily in my pocket (90's kids had pockets made with TARDIS technology), and bought myself a brand-spankin' new purple Gameboy, complete with the hot new game Pokemon Red. That was my first game, and it left a helluva impression.
Those warm, toasty memories came rushing back thanks to Twitch Plays Pokemon Red, a collaborative effort between thousands of players to make the titular Red seem less like a Poke-master and more like a terrifying mental patient. My own copy of Red long lost to the ages, I flipped through my DS game collection and choose Soul Silver.
Ignoring my previous save file and it's eight badges I select new game, blowing past the warning that probably said something about losing my old file. Whatevs.
Immediately upon taking control of my little sprite I am struck by how slooooooooow she is. I crawl out of my house and head next door, to the Pokemon research facility. It's time to get my very own Pokemon and start my great adventure, right? Right?
Nope.
There is no 'big, life changing' adventure for me. Today isn't my coming of age. Instead today's the day I get tossed a loaner Pokemon from the bin and told to run the big important science man an errand over in the next town.
Gee, thanks.
I grabbed the Cyndaquil, because fire is always the answer, regardless of the question, and shuffled the long, long path to Cherrygrove City.
Oh and what a path it was, wrought with tall grass and ledges shorter than I (but still unclimbable), my dear Cynna and I besiged by Rattata and Pidgeys. We finally reach the gates of Cherrygrove City, a little worse for wear, but alive.
We are stopped by an overly chipper old man who seems a little *too* excited to show an unaccompanied pre-adolescent girl around town, running circles around my slacker ass the whole way. But wait! The ultimate secret to his immense speed is his running shoes! Of course!
"Here, take mine!" he leered, "They're still warm!' *eyebrow waggle*
No....*backs away*.....I'm good, but I'll take that brand new pair behind you for the low, low price of not asking why you have a pair of little girl shoes in your possession.
Whatever, I can run now. It's been about, oh, 20 minutes so far, I had better save.
Cannot save over current save file. To delete old save file, press up-select-B on the main screen.
....Wat?
Those warm, toasty memories came rushing back thanks to Twitch Plays Pokemon Red, a collaborative effort between thousands of players to make the titular Red seem less like a Poke-master and more like a terrifying mental patient. My own copy of Red long lost to the ages, I flipped through my DS game collection and choose Soul Silver.
Ignoring my previous save file and it's eight badges I select new game, blowing past the warning that probably said something about losing my old file. Whatevs.
Immediately upon taking control of my little sprite I am struck by how slooooooooow she is. I crawl out of my house and head next door, to the Pokemon research facility. It's time to get my very own Pokemon and start my great adventure, right? Right?
Nope.
There is no 'big, life changing' adventure for me. Today isn't my coming of age. Instead today's the day I get tossed a loaner Pokemon from the bin and told to run the big important science man an errand over in the next town.
Gee, thanks.
I grabbed the Cyndaquil, because fire is always the answer, regardless of the question, and shuffled the long, long path to Cherrygrove City.
Oh and what a path it was, wrought with tall grass and ledges shorter than I (but still unclimbable), my dear Cynna and I besiged by Rattata and Pidgeys. We finally reach the gates of Cherrygrove City, a little worse for wear, but alive.
 |
| Sadly I can't say the same for some. |
We are stopped by an overly chipper old man who seems a little *too* excited to show an unaccompanied pre-adolescent girl around town, running circles around my slacker ass the whole way. But wait! The ultimate secret to his immense speed is his running shoes! Of course!
"Here, take mine!" he leered, "They're still warm!' *eyebrow waggle*
No....*backs away*.....I'm good, but I'll take that brand new pair behind you for the low, low price of not asking why you have a pair of little girl shoes in your possession.
Whatever, I can run now. It's been about, oh, 20 minutes so far, I had better save.
Cannot save over current save file. To delete old save file, press up-select-B on the main screen.
....Wat?
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Now I'm hungry...
The couple that plays together, stays together.
Well Aaron and I are taking that one step further: We're making a game.
A card game, that is. Aaron and I are both huge fans of table top and card games, so using Aaron's game design knowledge and my mad art skillz (HA!) we're nearing completion of the first of many games we hope to create.
Our current project is a fast food themed card game called Employee of the Month. Players work with and/or against each other to fill orders and appease customers. Right now were still in the process of working out kinks, writing the rules and working on the art.
Honestly the artwork has proven far more time consuming than I had thought. It's severely cutting into my 'other stuff' time. The project needs about 100 individual pictures, all drawn, inked, cleaned up, and colored. As you can see, I still have quite a bit of work to go.
Well Aaron and I are taking that one step further: We're making a game.
A card game, that is. Aaron and I are both huge fans of table top and card games, so using Aaron's game design knowledge and my mad art skillz (HA!) we're nearing completion of the first of many games we hope to create.
 |
| Everyone is very, very excited |
Our current project is a fast food themed card game called Employee of the Month. Players work with and/or against each other to fill orders and appease customers. Right now were still in the process of working out kinks, writing the rules and working on the art.
Honestly the artwork has proven far more time consuming than I had thought. It's severely cutting into my 'other stuff' time. The project needs about 100 individual pictures, all drawn, inked, cleaned up, and colored. As you can see, I still have quite a bit of work to go.
 |
| It's like this, but with drawings. |
Stay tuned for any future developments, and wish us luck!
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Yankin' My Chains
One of my favorite things in Guild Wars 2 is something called the Living Story (or Living World. It got changed at some point, but I prefer the old name), which is a great overarching story line that affects the entire game, rather than a small instance created for a player(s). The story so far has been running for about a year and a half, with the rogue Sylvari Scarlet Briar as the delightfully insane antagonist.
Now, I won't go into details about what's going on so far (find those here!), but long story short Scarlet has managed to build an army consisting of Tyria's least desirable forces: The mole monsters Dredge and the Charr's fallen Flame Legion make up the Molten Alliance, the worm-like Krait and the Sylvari's Nightmare Court joined as the Toxic Alliance, and the Aetherblade pirates all joined to help Scarlet achieve...Well, we don't really know what she's after. Not exactly yet. But it involves alot of watchwork robo-butts.
As of this posting Scarlet's great watchwork Marionette hangs above the Shiverpeak Mountains in Lornar's Pass. Defeating her is a trial requiring literally a hundred great warriors and mages to band together for the goal of cutting her down.
And there in lies the problem.
See, I play in the server Dragonbrand. And Dragonbrand players...are dicks.
Well with that attitude we will, jackass!
With barely enough players to fill one of the five lanes needed for the fight (around 20-25 are needed for each) it became almost impossible to pull off even a single chain cut, let alone the five needed to ground her. Sick of my server's lack of enthusiasm (and frankly, their overall bad attitude), Aaron and I paid a quick visit to our original sever, Tarnished Coast.
Why...Why did we ever transfer? This place..it's almost magical how much more seriously the players take the Living Story... and the game overall. They actually discuss the game's lore, instead of moaning about how unoriginal and boring Scarlet is. They encourage each other rather than belittle...
The best part of all? Despite this being its final night, people are still doing the current Living Story: The actually marionette has five full lanes! We're still failing, but damn it there's effort!
While Aaron and I collect the necessary resources to make our stay in TC a little more permanent, a dark wind begins to blow. Scarlet has her next target in her sights: Tomorrow, the most prominent city in all of Tyria, a central hub of trade and activity, will fall.
This-is-gonna-be-AWESOME.
Now, I won't go into details about what's going on so far (find those here!), but long story short Scarlet has managed to build an army consisting of Tyria's least desirable forces: The mole monsters Dredge and the Charr's fallen Flame Legion make up the Molten Alliance, the worm-like Krait and the Sylvari's Nightmare Court joined as the Toxic Alliance, and the Aetherblade pirates all joined to help Scarlet achieve...Well, we don't really know what she's after. Not exactly yet. But it involves alot of watchwork robo-butts.
 |
| And robo-stilettos. |
As of this posting Scarlet's great watchwork Marionette hangs above the Shiverpeak Mountains in Lornar's Pass. Defeating her is a trial requiring literally a hundred great warriors and mages to band together for the goal of cutting her down.
And there in lies the problem.
See, I play in the server Dragonbrand. And Dragonbrand players...are dicks.
"Oh nooooooooo, I don't wanna go fight the marionette...I already finished the thing and we'll just fail anywaaaay"
Well with that attitude we will, jackass!
With barely enough players to fill one of the five lanes needed for the fight (around 20-25 are needed for each) it became almost impossible to pull off even a single chain cut, let alone the five needed to ground her. Sick of my server's lack of enthusiasm (and frankly, their overall bad attitude), Aaron and I paid a quick visit to our original sever, Tarnished Coast.
Why...Why did we ever transfer? This place..it's almost magical how much more seriously the players take the Living Story... and the game overall. They actually discuss the game's lore, instead of moaning about how unoriginal and boring Scarlet is. They encourage each other rather than belittle...
The best part of all? Despite this being its final night, people are still doing the current Living Story: The actually marionette has five full lanes! We're still failing, but damn it there's effort!
 |
| Really, a little effort is all we can ask in light of robo-nipples. |
While Aaron and I collect the necessary resources to make our stay in TC a little more permanent, a dark wind begins to blow. Scarlet has her next target in her sights: Tomorrow, the most prominent city in all of Tyria, a central hub of trade and activity, will fall.
This-is-gonna-be-AWESOME.
Monday, February 17, 2014
Griffe de l'amour
Happy belated Valentine's Day and Singles Awareness Day! I believe my recent tardiness to be excusable, as I have been stuck in bed for two days! Yay!
Valentine's Day has come and gone. Some couples spent the day of love on romantic candle-lit dinners or exchanging tokens of their affections.
Aaron and I exchanged germs.
Now, being sick on Valentine's day would ruin most couple's plans, but not us. We spent our holiday vacationing in beautiful Tyria, in the province of Frostgorge Sound. A chilly local to be sure, but perfect for hunting Claws...of the Jormag variety.
Yes, we spent Valentine's Day (and today. Don't judge us, we're still sick) on the ultimate multiplayer game: an MMORPG, and Guild Wars 2 was the perfect choice.
Now, the Claw of Jormag fight is a type of event called a world event, one which is both more difficult and more rewarding than other events. The Claw is an icy level 80 dragon, lieutenant of the Elder Dragon Jormag, and can be, quite frankly, a bitch of an event.
Now, usually the group taking down the Claw numbers in the dozens: 30, 40 players all manning bazookas or protecting bomb wielding golems.
Usually.
On this day our numbers were closer to ten. Just ten players to take down the Claw's protective wall, while besieged on all sides by the Claw's minions. Players would be rezzed only to drop again seconds later. Yet despite the overwhelming odds against us the Claw's defenses slowly but steadily fell. It seemed we may yet stand a chance...
As the Claw again took to the air the NPC forces on the ground shot it down, grounding it a short distance away. For this leg of the battle we were lucky to be joined by another ten or so players, but the clock was still ticking down. We had very little time to chip away a whooping half of the beast's health, something we could only achieve if the bomb-carrying golems managed to survive long enough to deliver their packages.
With but with two of our thirty minute time limit remaining we finally felled the beast. It was by and far the most satisfying Claw battle either of us have ever taken part in.
Sweet, sweet challenge.
Valentine's Day has come and gone. Some couples spent the day of love on romantic candle-lit dinners or exchanging tokens of their affections.
Aaron and I exchanged germs.
Now, being sick on Valentine's day would ruin most couple's plans, but not us. We spent our holiday vacationing in beautiful Tyria, in the province of Frostgorge Sound. A chilly local to be sure, but perfect for hunting Claws...of the Jormag variety.
Yes, we spent Valentine's Day (and today. Don't judge us, we're still sick) on the ultimate multiplayer game: an MMORPG, and Guild Wars 2 was the perfect choice.
Now, the Claw of Jormag fight is a type of event called a world event, one which is both more difficult and more rewarding than other events. The Claw is an icy level 80 dragon, lieutenant of the Elder Dragon Jormag, and can be, quite frankly, a bitch of an event.
 |
| Isn't he cute? |
Now, usually the group taking down the Claw numbers in the dozens: 30, 40 players all manning bazookas or protecting bomb wielding golems.
Usually.
On this day our numbers were closer to ten. Just ten players to take down the Claw's protective wall, while besieged on all sides by the Claw's minions. Players would be rezzed only to drop again seconds later. Yet despite the overwhelming odds against us the Claw's defenses slowly but steadily fell. It seemed we may yet stand a chance...
As the Claw again took to the air the NPC forces on the ground shot it down, grounding it a short distance away. For this leg of the battle we were lucky to be joined by another ten or so players, but the clock was still ticking down. We had very little time to chip away a whooping half of the beast's health, something we could only achieve if the bomb-carrying golems managed to survive long enough to deliver their packages.
With but with two of our thirty minute time limit remaining we finally felled the beast. It was by and far the most satisfying Claw battle either of us have ever taken part in.
Sweet, sweet challenge.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Love is Golden: A post by Aaron
I'm lazy today! As a result, today's post on the SEGA game Golden Axe is brought to us courtesy of Aaron:
Ah, Golden Axe. How long has it been since I have given you a serious playthrough? Whenever I think of Sega, Golden Axe is one of the first games that pops into my head, along with the obligatory Sonic, Mutant League Sport Series, Comix Zone and Aladdin. Yes, Disney did make a game from a movie that is really good and worth playing. I knew this game to be slightly difficult in the past and I was hoping time would not have made it any easier.
I had beaten the game several times in the past. Golden Axe is not in the same class of difficulty as Dark Souls or Ninja Gaiden. Those games are difficult until you learn their patterns. Even after you learn their patterns they can still make you feel like an armless man in a boxing match. But I knew and remembered the patterns for Golden Axe. Now all I have to do is remember how to ride this particular bike... with another person making me do all the peddling. (*GC note: HEY!)
From the beginning I knew this was going to be rough seeing as how I was being battered by Melissa more than the enemies. We had not even passed halfway through the stage and my first life was almost destroyed. What was happening to me? Why was I so gracefully dodging the enemies but unable to evade any strikes from her? It was almost as if her blade had a Dwarven magnet in it.
All was well until we started to encounter the skeletons. Skeletons in Golden Axe have always been the bane of me with this playthrough being no different. At one point I recall trying to get out of a double team by the skeletons when I look over and see Melissa's character just staring at us. I was sitting there being curbstomped and all she could say to me was "I thought you had it under control". Don't worry about me, my possum like defense will lure them into a false sense of security. (*GC Note: I did! I thought he had it!)
This entire experience reminded me why I hate games that had friendly fire. It would turn a fun peaceful game into essentially what every game of Monopoly turns into: alot of yelling, fighting and crying.
Older co-op games sure haven't changed much.
I had beaten the game several times in the past. Golden Axe is not in the same class of difficulty as Dark Souls or Ninja Gaiden. Those games are difficult until you learn their patterns. Even after you learn their patterns they can still make you feel like an armless man in a boxing match. But I knew and remembered the patterns for Golden Axe. Now all I have to do is remember how to ride this particular bike... with another person making me do all the peddling. (*GC note: HEY!)
From the beginning I knew this was going to be rough seeing as how I was being battered by Melissa more than the enemies. We had not even passed halfway through the stage and my first life was almost destroyed. What was happening to me? Why was I so gracefully dodging the enemies but unable to evade any strikes from her? It was almost as if her blade had a Dwarven magnet in it.
 |
| *GC Note: Let it be known: I got hit by him just as much. Have you ever been headbutted by a horned Dwarf? Didn't think so. |
All was well until we started to encounter the skeletons. Skeletons in Golden Axe have always been the bane of me with this playthrough being no different. At one point I recall trying to get out of a double team by the skeletons when I look over and see Melissa's character just staring at us. I was sitting there being curbstomped and all she could say to me was "I thought you had it under control". Don't worry about me, my possum like defense will lure them into a false sense of security. (*GC Note: I did! I thought he had it!)
This entire experience reminded me why I hate games that had friendly fire. It would turn a fun peaceful game into essentially what every game of Monopoly turns into: alot of yelling, fighting and crying.
Older co-op games sure haven't changed much.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Valentine's Co-op
With Valentine's Day at its heart February is the month for luuuuuuuurv.
So in spirit of the month of togetherness, I'll be playing two-player/ co-op games with my very own Valentine, Aaron. From Army of Two to Super Mario, Aaron and I will team up and duke it out. All in the name of love.
So in spirit of the month of togetherness, I'll be playing two-player/ co-op games with my very own Valentine, Aaron. From Army of Two to Super Mario, Aaron and I will team up and duke it out. All in the name of love.
Finally Free
A day late sure, but I did save my best (at least favorite) free game for last. It is a game that Aaron and co. have hounded me to play in the past, but being the stubborn mule that I am I left it until now. Realm of the Mad God is by and far the funnest game I've played this month (not including Catlateral Damage).
Let's have Steam give us the low down:
WASD to move, left click to fire. F to drink a potion and E to high-tail your cowardly ass back to the Nexus. I spent hours running around like an idiot, never taking my finger off the fire button. Why would I? There's nonsense to kill literally everywhere. But that nonsense is there to kill you too, a fact that becomes especially painful once you realize death is permanent. Period. You could be level 19, half an experience bar to the level cap of 20, and be just as perma dead as the level one that pissed off an enraged bunny out of the gates.
My first Wizard got squished around level four. I'm still not entirely clear on what did me in. All the better for my foe, as my vengeance is swift and burns like the sun.
My second Wizard, like my first, skipped gleefully from quest to quest, swarm to swarm, until about level 11. About that time caution pokes its ugly head from its dark and sweaty hole, screeching "heeeeeeey better be caaaaaaarefuuuuuuuul or you'll have to staaaaaaaaaaaart agaaaaaaaaaaaain"
Can it, asshole, I know.
Nothing excites the caution monster more than the frantic cramming of the F key while a Tree Ent Ancient attempts to make me fertilizer.
Remember, though, this is a multiplayer game! I was joined by my good buddy Elpizo, aka 'Mat' in the 'Real World', with his level 20 Ranger, who proceeded to wreck face while I kinda 'helped'. However, not all was well, as I encountered a far more dangerous foe than any the Mad God could throw at me: A crappy connection. Every few minutes or so the game would chuck me out on my butt. Well crud.
After hitting 20 with my Wizard on Realm's website I switched over to the Steam version, which is connected to the website version. Besides handing me an additional character slot (you only get one. Delete your character or die to get a new one. Or buy more slots), it also proved to have a better connection. So I repeated the tutorial with a brand new Ranger, who was promptly smashed into oblivion at level 14. Le sigh.
Play It or Pass It: Play it. Realm of the Mad God is a game that you can either pick up for 10-15 minutes or play for hours. Definitely a great pick to end Free in '14.
Play it yourself! Get it on Steam, or play it here:
http://www.realmofthemadgod.com/
Let's have Steam give us the low down:
Realm of the Mad God is the first ever free to play Bullet Hell MMO. Team up with dozens of players and battle through the Realm of the Mad God, Oryx. With a retro 8-bit style, Realm is an evolution of traditional MMO gameplay. A dozen classes and hundreds of items to discover means Realm is easy to play but difficult to master. Players can jump in Realm for 5 minutes or stay online for hours because there is nothing to install or download.The beginner classes are Rogue, Wizard, Priest, and Archer, with each of the other like 20 classes unlockable via either paying money (boo!) or leveling up with the other classes. After beating the tutorial you get sent to the Nexus, or the base area where players gather and merchants reside. From the Nexus you can enter the Mad God's domain.
 |
| It can get a little....Mad. |
WASD to move, left click to fire. F to drink a potion and E to high-tail your cowardly ass back to the Nexus. I spent hours running around like an idiot, never taking my finger off the fire button. Why would I? There's nonsense to kill literally everywhere. But that nonsense is there to kill you too, a fact that becomes especially painful once you realize death is permanent. Period. You could be level 19, half an experience bar to the level cap of 20, and be just as perma dead as the level one that pissed off an enraged bunny out of the gates.
My first Wizard got squished around level four. I'm still not entirely clear on what did me in. All the better for my foe, as my vengeance is swift and burns like the sun.
My second Wizard, like my first, skipped gleefully from quest to quest, swarm to swarm, until about level 11. About that time caution pokes its ugly head from its dark and sweaty hole, screeching "heeeeeeey better be caaaaaaarefuuuuuuuul or you'll have to staaaaaaaaaaaart agaaaaaaaaaaaain"
Can it, asshole, I know.
Nothing excites the caution monster more than the frantic cramming of the F key while a Tree Ent Ancient attempts to make me fertilizer.
 |
| No no, I make the sound effects, you do the work. |
Remember, though, this is a multiplayer game! I was joined by my good buddy Elpizo, aka 'Mat' in the 'Real World', with his level 20 Ranger, who proceeded to wreck face while I kinda 'helped'. However, not all was well, as I encountered a far more dangerous foe than any the Mad God could throw at me: A crappy connection. Every few minutes or so the game would chuck me out on my butt. Well crud.
After hitting 20 with my Wizard on Realm's website I switched over to the Steam version, which is connected to the website version. Besides handing me an additional character slot (you only get one. Delete your character or die to get a new one. Or buy more slots), it also proved to have a better connection. So I repeated the tutorial with a brand new Ranger, who was promptly smashed into oblivion at level 14. Le sigh.
Play It or Pass It: Play it. Realm of the Mad God is a game that you can either pick up for 10-15 minutes or play for hours. Definitely a great pick to end Free in '14.
Play it yourself! Get it on Steam, or play it here:
http://www.realmofthemadgod.com/
Monday, January 27, 2014
Happy Hemorrhaging
WARNING! The following game is a bit...Gorey.
Happy Wheels is a game I've wanted to play for a while now, and with Free in '14 month coming to a close in a couple days, now's as good a time as any.
I...I don't really know how to explain Happy Wheels...Most of its content is user generated, meaning the levels are created by anyone and everyone. The most basic theme is avoid the obstacles and make it to the finish line alive, or throw object A at target B and pray it doesn't fall in trap C resulting in insta-death from weapon/giant rock/missile D.
Level difficulty runs from 'nap in the park' to 'God, oh God why is this happening?'. At least three of the levels I played required little to no input from me, while others resulted in my impaling myself head first mere inches from the start point. Lost limbs are almost guaranteed. Character selection ranges from fat guy on a lawnmower to an old man to Santa Claus in his sleigh. Level design ranges from riding a bicycle across a sea of glass bottles to navigating a swiftly narrowing funnel of spikes. Each level comes with complementary 50 gallons of blood.
Play It or Pass It: Play it. As I said before, the game has a thing for blood, and the controls are (to me) awkward as hell. Despite that the game is also one of the most hilarious things I've ever played.
Strap on your helmet and grab your elves, here's the link!
http://www.totaljerkface.com/happy_wheels.php
Happy Wheels is a game I've wanted to play for a while now, and with Free in '14 month coming to a close in a couple days, now's as good a time as any.
I...I don't really know how to explain Happy Wheels...Most of its content is user generated, meaning the levels are created by anyone and everyone. The most basic theme is avoid the obstacles and make it to the finish line alive, or throw object A at target B and pray it doesn't fall in trap C resulting in insta-death from weapon/giant rock/missile D.
 |
| It's death by my hand or the spinning axes below us. Choose, worm. |
Level difficulty runs from 'nap in the park' to 'God, oh God why is this happening?'. At least three of the levels I played required little to no input from me, while others resulted in my impaling myself head first mere inches from the start point. Lost limbs are almost guaranteed. Character selection ranges from fat guy on a lawnmower to an old man to Santa Claus in his sleigh. Level design ranges from riding a bicycle across a sea of glass bottles to navigating a swiftly narrowing funnel of spikes. Each level comes with complementary 50 gallons of blood.
Play It or Pass It: Play it. As I said before, the game has a thing for blood, and the controls are (to me) awkward as hell. Despite that the game is also one of the most hilarious things I've ever played.
Strap on your helmet and grab your elves, here's the link!
http://www.totaljerkface.com/happy_wheels.php
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