Pokeball's a shape...

Contrary to my personal intuition and the dusting of snow on my front porch, Spring is apparently upon us. You know what that meeeeeeeaaaaaaaannnnnnnssss!

Time to ditch the sweaters and don the bikinis cause Summer's 'round the bend!

But whats this? Fluffy Winter insulation around the midsection? Curses!

Now, nerds aren't known for their physical prowess or 'shape', and while I'm far from the typical stereotype I've certainly got my share of fluff.

Thankfully Nintendo's got my back. Sold with every (new) copy of Soul Silver and Heart Gold was the Pokewalker, a Pokeball shaped pedometer that could hold a single Pokemon. Walking helped the Pokemon level up, as well as having minigames for items and the ability to catch a Pokemon. Exercise seems a small price to pay to avoid the grind or the daycare.

The only real downside to the Pokewalker was the fact that no matter how many steps you took, no matter how many days you left your Pokemon in there, once retrieved the Pokemon will only have gained one level. Just one. Guess that prevents someone from tossing a level one in there and marathoning it up to 99.

Sadly I'm pretty sure that no Pokegame since has made use of the Pokewalker, which is a damn shame. It's a pretty good pedometer, and frankly everything, especially exercise, is better with minigames.

Gotta Catch'em ALLLLLLLL

Many years ago a young me saved up all the pennies she could (90's kids were paid exclusively in pennies) over the course of a summer to make her first big purchase: a Gameboy Color. I waltzed into the local Walmart, pennies jingling happily in my pocket (90's kids had pockets made with TARDIS technology), and bought myself  a brand-spankin' new purple Gameboy, complete with the hot new game Pokemon Red. That was my first game, and it left a helluva impression.

Those warm, toasty memories came rushing back thanks to Twitch Plays Pokemon Red, a collaborative effort between thousands of players to make the titular Red seem less like a Poke-master and more like a terrifying mental patient. My own copy of Red long lost to the ages, I flipped through my DS game collection and choose Soul Silver.

Ignoring my previous save file and it's eight badges I select new game, blowing past the warning that probably said something about losing my old file. Whatevs.

Immediately upon taking control of my little sprite I am struck by how slooooooooow she is. I crawl out of my house and head next door, to the Pokemon research facility. It's time to get my very own Pokemon and start my great adventure, right? Right?

Nope.

There is no 'big, life changing' adventure for me. Today isn't my coming of age. Instead today's the day I get tossed a loaner Pokemon from the bin and told to run the big important science man an errand over in the next town.

Gee, thanks.

I grabbed the Cyndaquil, because fire is always the answer, regardless of the question, and shuffled the long, long path to Cherrygrove City.

Oh and what a path it was, wrought with tall grass and ledges shorter than I (but still unclimbable), my dear Cynna and I besiged by Rattata and Pidgeys. We finally reach the gates of Cherrygrove City, a little worse for wear, but alive.

Sadly I can't say the same for some. 

We are stopped by an overly chipper old man who seems a little *too* excited to show an unaccompanied pre-adolescent girl around town, running circles around my slacker ass the whole way. But wait! The ultimate secret to his immense speed is his running shoes! Of course!

"Here, take mine!" he leered, "They're still warm!' *eyebrow waggle*

No....*backs away*.....I'm good, but I'll take that brand new pair behind you for the low, low price of not asking why you have a pair of little girl shoes in your possession.

Whatever, I can run now. It's been about, oh, 20 minutes so far, I had better save.

Cannot save over current save file. To delete old save file, press up-select-B on the main screen.

....Wat?