Tuesday, August 27, 2013

For whom the bell tolls


I have been to the roof top! I have fought the vicious gargoyle fiends! With the knight Solaire by my side, I knew I had but one option...Victory!!

Or, ya know, a second option: Falling off the roof to my death. Cause that can happen. *grumps*

Killing the bastard priest guy in the Undead Chapel (dance this off jackass!) and actually surviving the crimson quacker doggy pile that followed, I was finally at the gargoyle's foggy doorstep. I was ready. I had enhanced the protective abilities of my armor by one, and the attack of my claymore by 2. I was (and have been for some time) higher level than necessary, with nearly full health and full estus flasks (the method of healing in this game...it's kinda like drinking bottles fire...no, really). As added insurance I regained my humanity and summoned my new bestest buddy Solaire. 

I.Was.Ready.

The moment the first gargoyle touched down I ran to him. I did my best to dodge, roll, and block his attacks, both by air and by sky. Jumping in behind him I managed what I figured impossible and cut off his tail, granting me the Gargoyle Tail Axe. Cool beans.


But as soon as he saw his buddy playing the part of tennis ball in a weird game between two humans, the second gargoyle hopped down to play. It didn't matter, The first walking pigeon roost was without a tail, and nearly dead...

And then I fell off the roof. I didn't roll off. I didn't dodge too far. I just back-peddled right off the edge. Apparently, gargoyle rooftop battle grounds don't come equipped with safety rails.

...*siiiiiiiiiigh*

For whom does the bell toll?

Not me, yet.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Soon....

I finished my monthly for August on Guildwars 2 today. I am but 10 laurels from my prize.

Soon, Mr. von Snuffles, you shall be mine.



Soon. 

Disclaimer: I *may* be a crazy cat lady...

Many if not most gamers, be they of XBox, PS3, or PC persuasion, have at least one MMORPG they visit from time to time. There are whole worlds to choose from, such as fantasy realms like World of Warcraft (petooie!), Lord of the Rings Online, Everquest, Runescape, etc, and more Sci-Fi/ tech worlds, like EVE Online or Champions Online.

At one time I was a obsessive Runescape fan, playing damn near every day. After I got my first 99 in a skill, cooking, I sort of let up a bit. Then I plain quit. It's a habit I've picked up in gaming, as you've seen in my Skyrim posts: When I complete something, even in a totally open world environment, I tend to lose interest. I'm stuck with an overwhelming sense of 'what now?' and as a gamer, I hate it. No credits role. No ending speeches about how the world is saved/ doomed are given. It's just...over. The sun rises on the next day, as it did the day before, and the day before that. Now, don't get me wrong. I still adore these games. This is merely a tick I have developed as I've played over the years. 

That said, After a roughly three month hiatus, I am back playing Guildwars 2, my current MMORPG, and all I can think is "why haven't I been playing this?!" In this land I am Humlah, a Norn Guardian, known to her guild as The Big Bitch, or as I call her 'No You Stupid Idiot I Didn't Say To Do That!'. 

Much to my girly delight, in honor of the upcoming one year anniversary of the game's release many of the once 'limited time only' special items are back on the trading post, including the little white kitten I missed a few months ago!!! 400 gems later and I am now the proud owner of Marshmallow, my adorable new sidekick, with his fluffy white fur and his widdle red bow.....*shakes head* sorry, got kinda lost there...

With Marshmallow by my side I jumped over to the Wayfarer Foothills, a low level Norn map where I can easily complete my daily achievements, a set group of goals ranging from killing a certain number of enemies to picking so many carrots (so many carrots...). I managed to finish yesterday's dailies before the reset time of 7pm, just in time to start up today's grouping. This one took me a bit more time, as without an imminent time limit I decided to focus on my monthly achievements instead, figuring the daily would get done in the process.

Ah monthlies. How you torment me so. How in the hell am I supposed to get 500 things to salvage in a
month without resorting to cannibalizing my gear? By putting myself through pain, that's how. In the Queensdale map, a low level Human area, there are a group of events that trigger one after the other. Following the group I jumped from battle to battle, with virtually no down time in between, least I be left behind. Kill a thing, hit a waypoint, run to next thing, and kill it. Rinse and repeat roughly 20 times, and you get the picture. Lag a little behind and you arrive just in time to watch the big beasty's last breath. 

All was worth it, as by post's writing I have completed three of four monthly to-dos, with only salvage remaining. While needing about 100 more things to tear apart seems like alot, I managed to get in 200 or so today alone, thanks in HUGE part to the tiny ant-man Elpizo (my friend Matt).

So why, you might be asking (or not, depending on how much you care), would I go through all of this? So much work, but for what? I'm already level 80, the highest level in the game, and I already have a good set of armor. What's my drive? It's simple: His name is Chauncey von Snuffles III. At 75 Laurels (a type of in-game currency, gained by completing dailies and monthlies) Chauncey is only the most fanciest cat ever to rock a bowler hat. And a bowtie. Cause bowties are cool.

I am at most a week and a half from attaining Mr. von Snuffles, a week and a half too long!! Marshmallow is in need of a role model. I must return to my work....

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Kitty Pong

Sorry for my lack of posts, or pictures. I've been busy lately with a project long overdue: cleaning out the storage tubs in my spare room.

Now, I am doing this for two reasons. One, the last few times we've moved I've chucked all manner of nonsense in them, regardless of what it was or if we needed it. And two, because I need the extra room in that spare room to set up a studio. Ya know, for art and junk. But, never fear! I have been playing. Or rather I've been wandering...

Of the time I spent playing Earthbound today, I'd guess only about, oh, 20% of it was me actually accomplishing anything?

I basically spent the other 80% running in circles. Starting in the resort town of Summers, I knew I had to get into the Stoic Club, but I couldn't figure out how to get in. I eventually wandered into the museum, where a researcher mentioned he had no idea what the Fourside researcher was going on  about blah blah blah, so I took that as a hint and headed back to Fourside. The researcher there requests an autograph from Venus, the latest singer at the local theater since the Runaway Five...well, ran away. No big deal, I can get that. You want it on toilet paper? Weird bro but ok. But hey, while I'm at it I may as well watch a show, right?

Venus takes the stage alone, performing under a spot light. The music plays, and a strange silhouette passes in front of the stage, disappearing on the other side. When the shadow comes back I recognize him as the Fourside Museum researcher, doing his best impression of a creepy fanboy stalking the object of his fandom. He finally gets bold and rushes the stage, only to be tackled by two burly security guards and drug off the stage. Now THAT was a show worth paying for!

So I get Venus' autograph, not on toilet paper but on a banana peel! Off I head to the researcher, first checking the museum but knowing full well he might be in the police department. But it's at this point as I return to the museum I notice a pattern: In Summers they charged me five bucks a head to get to the museum. Then in Fourside I had to pay another ten a piece. At the concert hall I had to pay $30, then to deliver the package was another $15.

And what was my reward for my services? I get to crawl down a hole, wade through sewage, and fight a nasty rat! Yay me!


Thursday, August 22, 2013

POKEYYYY!!!!!

I...*sigh*...I'm at a loss today, guys.

First off, some more grade-A parenting on behalf of Jeff's dad and Ness' mom. Jeff's dad was kind enough to point out that Jeff apparently still wets the bed in front of his friends (knowing this despite not seeing him for 10 years...) and Ness' mom hung up on him to go watch softcore cable porn. *sigh*

I guess I should go try and find my extra inventory space...I mean Paula...yeah, Paula. Anyway, this means going down the monkey hole, and I don't mean that figuratively (...*shutter*). Maze like already, the monkey cave has the added bonus of demanding little chimps who want...something. Some want hamburgers, others pizza. Regardless of what they want, I can't pass them until I hand it over. One wanted something called the King Banana, but lord knows what that was. I eventually fed enough monkeys to get to a kindly old floating  man, who gives me the yogurt machine the terrible deliveryman from Fourside failed to bring. Yeah yeah, that's cool and all, but he also teaches me how to teleport! Sweet! No more hour long trips back and forth between towns.

I get back to the surface and decide to give this teleport a whirl, so I select 'teleport' from my 'PP' menu, then choose 'Fourside' as my destination...then I promptly lurch forward, running headfirst into a rock. Well that's silly, I'm not so much teleporting as I am just running somewhere really fast...

Back at the Monotoli building the lady from the bar rips the yogurt machine from my hands, thanking me and running. Whatevs, not like I want trout flavored yogurt (the only flavor it's capable of making). With her permission I can now ride the elevator past the 47th floor, and straight to Mr. Monotoli's quarters.

Seems Mr. Monotoli's into robots. His models aren't bad, a bit weak, but then a small, wobbly robot sees me from across the room and decides "meh, I got this."

And, painful as it may be, it seemed for a while he was right. Despite spending most of his turns falling over or losing hardware, the Clumsy Robot still whooped my ass up the hallway and back. My PP attacks won't land, half of my physical attacks won't land, and in the mean time he slowly but surely whittles away at my health. So there I sit. Considering my next move. I am out of food. I am out of PP. I am almost out of health.

Then, the music changes.

Like the sound of a choir of crappy angels, the theme of the Runaway Five erupts into full crescendo. One of them sneaks around and flips the apparently very obvious 'off' switch on the back of the robot. Those kill-stealing bastards...

Grumbling to myself I open the door and confront the eviiiiiiiil Monotoli. Except he isn't evil. He's just stupid. He happily throws Paula back to me (yup, know how you feel, bro) and tells me I can have his helicopter if I don't murder him or something.

Except Pokey has stolen the helicopter.........*sigh*




Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Now if only I had some pancakes...

Goal accomplished!! Demon boar is bacon! Extra crispy bacon, that is.

I decided to be completely and utterly cheap in dispatching the gruesome porker, choosing to sneak up on to the bridge behind it and rain down firebombs on its delicious head. Matter of fact, I used fire bombs quite a bit today, using them to kill the Hollow Knights and the giant towershield wielding dude in the Undead Perish's church. Dude was a chump.

No, the hard part was getting past the red drake guarding the bridge. I so much as stick an eyelash out from behind the wall, he'd singe it off with a burst of flame. While this makes for an effective place to farm souls (there are several Hollows on the bridge, and the drake has no concept of 'comrades') it also makes getting to the Perish's church quite difficult. I could take the other route, but it's full of poisonous rats and nope. So, I played a couple rounds of peek-a-boo with the drake.

Finally Big Red hauled his spiky ass off his perch and landed not ten feet from me. Triggering some sort of fearless (or as I call 'stupid') streak in me, I sprinted past him in full heavy armor, making a mad dash to the tower doorway. Of course, wearing 500 pounds of steel isn't conducive to running for your freaking life, and I was quickly caught in the back by a plume of searing hate. I managed to crawl to the safety of the tower, where I waited.

And oh did I wait. I knew eventually he'd get bored and fly off, but in the meantime he was right outside, ready to barbecue me should I make a break for the bonfire at the back of the very room I was in. He shot blast after blast of fire through the tower door, but I was safely hugging the wall. I waited. Minutes passed. I got bored and wandered off to load the dishwasher. Still he remained. But I will not be out stubborned!!!

I spent a little time clicking through my inventory while I waited. While I did eventually run out of my favorite toy (fire bombs), I did gain a whole new one on my sprint down the BBQ bridge: the claymore. While heavy, just a couple swings from this puppy crushed damn near anything I've smashed it into so far, even those stupid, evil, horrible spear hollows who I NEVER seem to be able to get past without half my health or more being jabbed out the other side of me.

Finish fiddling with equipment. Get up, grab a glass of water. Ok, jerk, you win, I'll just run over here through this side door and see whats there. Lame, it's just a couple of the weak red hollows that quack as they attack...

What's that sound? He's leaving? FINALLY! *runs into the Undead church, up a flight of stairs, and directly into a mage and about eighty billion red quackers, who immediately eviscerate me*.

*blank face* Whelp, I wonder where I need to go next in FFIX *quits out of Dark Souls*.


Monday, August 19, 2013

Well hello bonfire...

So! I finally have a decent excuse for my absence!! I was at Gencon, the gamer convention in Indianapolis, Indiana.

Just as last year Aaron and I spent the weekend helping in a dungeon for NERO, the LARP we play. A couple of days NPCing and teaching new people to play the game we love? Yes please! If you've never been to a nerd convention (be it gaming or anime, or anything else), make a point to rectify it.
"Just a little...*ehn*...Farther...*ehn*...Needs...*oof*...Souls..."
Monday Madness today was short and painful. I died. Alot. Be it from getting shanked from behind by the Hollow behind me (freaking ninja) or poisoned by a zombie rat (which in itself is a death sentence), I died time and time again. Just as progress seemed to finally smile upon me, death would jump on my back with a deafening "HELLLLLOOOO!". After an hour of making literally zero progress, I calmly exited the game (HA!) and hopped over to more FFIX.

I think I'll make tomorrow Terrible Tuesday and at least try to get past the weird boar thing I can't seem to get to. Some demon bacon sounds great about now...

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Deflated by Inflation

Has anyone ever noticed the startling inflation plaguing Eagleland? When your father has to dump a couple grand in your account just you can afford that $20 burger meal or a couple hundred bucks for pizza delivery, you just know something went wrong. Knowing this game I half expect to wander into an unlocked house where the personified Eagleland economy lays, sprawled and unconscious, in a pile of it's own vomit.

Yes yes, economy, go home. You're drunk. 

"What do you mean 238 dollars?! That's robbery!!!"

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Moonwel ot Cosidme!!

Welcome to Moonside

Wecomel to Soonmide

Moonwel ot Cosidme

Moonside. The strange alternate reality. The flip-side of the Fourside coin. This place is bananas.

Poking around the back of a seedy bar, I was suddenly transported to Moonside, a weird version of the town of Fourside where yes is no and the Governator teleports you around. I got lost, fast. With Ness and Jeff half dead and Paula missing, I stumbled through the headache inducing landscape, besieged by abstract artwork, melted clocks, and flames that threw bombs, after politely counting to three of course.
*poke poke* Hello!

This place was an example as to why you speak to EVERYONE you see (remember, this is alternate reality, where talking to strangers isn't just acceptable, its necessary!). Talk to one Governator, and he teleport to the next. Rinse and repeat, until the final AH-nold drops you off next to a creeper in a suit, who (presumably) knocks you out and drags you off to a house or something. There an invisible man joins you. Invisible, NOT silent. With the invisible mouth as my date the bouncer of the Monotoli building (aka the exit) finally decided I was cool enough and let me through to the boss...A giant statue!!!

Yup, it's the Mani Mani statue, bringer of madness and the brains behind the blue-brained cult back in Happy Happy town. And I get to smash it!

With the statue now in 2 or so pieces (maybe a few more than that...), Ness snapped out of his non-drug induced trip and leaves the store room he had spent the past three hours wandering around in, muttering to himself and walking in circles.

What was I doing again? Oh yeah, Paula...*wanders off, still swerving into things*


Monday, August 12, 2013

Monday Monday Mon-Ow my hair!!!

Whew. Today has certainly been Monday Madness, but totally not in the way I had planned. Regrettably (ooooooooh noooooo) I didn't get to play any Dark Souls today. Instead: Surprise babysitting!!

In Dark Souls, as many of you are aware (or not), there is no pausing. Like, at all. Sure, you could rest at a bonfire, which is kind of like pausing, only in that there generally aren't any hostile things around them. Even with the menu screen up things will still waltz over and cram their weapon of choice directly into whatever part of your fleshy meat body they can, making playing impossible in the company
of an eight month old.

Instead I think I'll spend the remainder of the evening on Guildwars 2, a game I regrettably haven't touched in a few weeks, but recently put in a lot of new content. The Queen's Jubilee just began, and my Norn Guardian craves the blood of veteran monsters!!!

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Crispy Cat

I am a gamer of a, shall we say, fragile temperament, and thus am particularly subject to what experts call 'Gamer Rage'.

The 'Gamer Rage', or GR, has a number of symptoms, such as irritability, sore throat (from screaming) and a sudden, temporary case of Tourette's syndrome. While the symptoms of GR often leave as quickly as they came, their effect can be felt for long after the patient has recovered. Broken controllers, smashed screens, and angry loved ones are often the unwitting victims when a gamer is overtaken by GR.

That said, I can't stand status effects. I simply can't. And yet I have encountered little else since I stepped foot in this damn sandbox. The enemies paralyze and poison me. Even the map itself is getting in on the action, causing sunstroke if I've strayed from the road for too long. Know what else I hate? Caves. Spelunking into the depths has resulted again and again in the same mess: Sunstroked and poisoned, I limp through the literal maze of paths trying to find the five mole bosses who need to die, like, now.

Now, I've only found two of these moles so far, but strangely both claimed to be the third strongest of the group..with a big number 3 behind them and everything. Insultingly both were chumps, resulting in a quick fight, and me dragging my half dead body back to the surface while screaming at my lack of &%@$ing wet towels.

I think I'm upsetting my cats. Their ears tend to be sensitive to high pitched noises, not unlike the shrill nonsense exploding out of me. I'll pick this back up later *crawls half dead back to Fourside*.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Ew ew eeeeewwwwwwww

*Sigh*

That was one of the most painfully frustrating boss fights I have been through...In a long, long time.

After waiting the obligatory three minutes at the waterfall, I entered Master Belch's lair. Several weird Fluff and Slime battles later I found the Belch himself. More of a pile of puke than a burp, Master Belch immediately blew his nasty breath right in my face, poisoning Ness. Yay continuous damage!! The ensuing battle quickly became a disgusting, nasty mess, both literally and figuratively.

I quickly blew through most of my power points, trying to pump as much damage as possible into the puke pile quickly. As I laid into him full force Belch summoned a bunch of weird little slimes that, besides burping in my face and blinding me, I didn't consider as much of a threat. Yet.

Unfortunately I was wrong. With all three of my idiot triplets blind and completely out of PP, The fight went from actiony to a slow, sludgy mess. I was only able to make contact with Belch every five or so tries, while he gorged himself on the fly honey I handed him rather than attack me. This alone would make for a slow, frustrating battle, but it would be a battle I could easily win. Then his little slime friends decided they wanted to play too.

Where before they did nothing but burp and puke on me, trying to cause status effects I was already suffering from, they suddenly started doing damage. Alot of damage, considering at this point I literally had no healing capability. Paula died. Then Jeff. Ness finally manned up and stopped taking Nausea damage, but he too was quickly succumbing to the slime's attacks, which mercifully and annoyingly only came every couple of turns. Blind and near dead, I finally killed Belch.

A Pepto bath and one cup of roofied coffee later, I was back on the road...To adventure!!!

Thursday, August 8, 2013

BOING!

I retract my original opinion of Ness's and Paula's respective parents being the worst parents in the history of parenting. Instead that prestigious award goes to Jeff's dad!!!

Upon stumbling into his laboratory in the middle of the frozen wilderness, this strange man takes a few seconds to notice that hey, this kid is the thing what I made that one time, then shipped to boarding school.

"Hey....son!! Whats it been....10 years? Yeah, sounds about right...You're looking...healthy? Yeah. Want a donut? You do? I don't actually have any. I'd like one, though...Whelp, that's enough father-son bonding for now. Go use that spaceship collecting dust in the corner and go do that...thing you were going to do. See you in 10 more years!!!"

After crash landing on the WRONG side of the locked door to save Ness and Paula and picking said lock, the trio return to the earth's surface and continue searching out clues to progress in their Great Quest. Not really finding anything other than ghosts, bugs, and trick-or-treaters (because...why?), I loop around the lower part of the city, where suddenly TENT ATTACK.

Yes, I then found myself gripped in frantic combat with a giant circus tent. Why a circus tent? Iunno.

Tent dead, I receive a phone call from the Apple Kid, neat freak and inventor extraordinaire (not really, his inventions usually suck) calling to tell me of HIS GREATEST INVENTION TO DATE: Zombie paper!! Whats zombie paper? It's like fly paper, but for zombies! Obviously!!

And since trapping zombies to the floor of a giant circus tent is more effective than just killing them (my initial idea), the two zombies blocking my way forward were gone and I was then free to face BELCH, leader of the zombies!!

But Belch wasn't there. Instead I fought his little brother, or whatever, Mini Barf. Far from a difficult fight, he mostly just burped alot, making the Terrible Trio cry and thus blinding them.

Ah Mr. Saturn. What adorable, fleshy blobs you all are. None of you are weird or creepy in any way...I'll just...be on my way...*shudder*.

Right now I am stuck behind a waterfall, unable to provide the proper password to enter and thus face Belch. I know one of those Saturn guys told me the password, but for some reason I can't say or enter anything. What did the Mr Saturn say..."Something something Belch guy....Something password...Then wait three minutes..."

Oh damn it. *Turns game back on*



Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Clearing out Cobwebs

*Bows deeply*

My sincerest apologies, Great Readers, for my absence has been much longer than I had foreseen. Mine has been a long and arduous journey, beset by woes and hardships. O Great Readers, I have been LARPing this weekend past. Dueling with mages and warriors from across the land-

Wow...even in text I can't keep that up. Can you even imagine talking like that? Poor renaissance fair people...Anyway, I haven't been posting because I've been LARPing. I am on staff at a LARP called NERO, or the New England Role-playing Organization. This event was certainly one of the more interesting ones I've been to, both on the staff side and on the side of the player. Thus I spent most of yesterday winding down and recuperating, watching Sword Art Online and cleaning the house.

Because I shamefully (and cowardly) skipped Monday Madness yesterday, I will spend at least part of tomorrow on good old Dark Souls. About the time I decide I've punished myself enough I'll hop back over to Earthbound, which I'd like to have beaten by sometime next week, if not sooner.

Also, COMIC TOMORROW!!!!!

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Bubble Monkey!

I can't figure out if Eagleland is home to the most honest and trusting citizens or the most gullible.

Made of water, snow is another of the
Geeky Cat's sworn enemies.
Picking up from the potential amber alert that was my ride to the town of Threed I noticed that I had walked more or less into Halloweentown. The place is dark, colored in purples and blues, and the people of the town are in varying states of shock and fear from the undead problem running rampant. Zombies, ghosts, and some nasty guy that, despite being hidden down a 'secret' tunnel guarded by zombies, everyone seems to know about. 

Oh snap, I've been kidnapped!!! That hooker and her zombies kidnapped me!!!

I headed to the local hotel, as zombie smashing can really take it out of you, and quickly noticed a Lady of the Evening acting all suspicious, walking into the hotel as I approach. I figure out rather quickly that I'm meant to follow her, then she knocks me out and stuffs me in a locked cell god knows where. What a bitch...

Paula, being the manipulative-I mean destiny spewing companion that she is, starts yelling into the darkness for some poor sap named Jeff to 'come save us, then the wooooooooooorld'.

Far far away in the snowy....somewhere? Mountains? It's cold. I am now Jeff: schoolboy and inventor (or something, tools are involved) who must break out of his boarding school and travel the frozen wilderness because some girl hes never met told him to in a dream. Seriously, Jeff, there are other ways to get a girlfriend.....

At least i have a pet monkey...who can't hold any inventory items or pay attention in a fight....*sigh*