D&Drugs (Are Bad, M'Kay?)

Today's post is brought to you by Jake and his artist, the Great Kampo (John).

From the Book of Kampo:

After a vision quest led by the curious drug known as vision dust right now, our lord led a solitary quest into the surrounding forest.

As he needed to be off to seek divine guidance our group came to a bridge that will forever be known as the vagina to the river womb that gave birth to our lord on this day. Tossed in only what he was born with down the current he was delivered unto the world once again.

Drugs aside, this is why you don't smoke just...everything... -Geeky Cat

Let today be known throughout history as 'The Divine Birth'

Praise be to Kampo!!!

D&Dammit Kampo Part 2

Remember how I mentioned this was to be a non-combat encounter? That changed the moment Kampo stabbed Shauna in the face, and a second time as Rafiki stabbed her in the back. For nooooooo reason. None, besides irrational paranoia and a little back-talk.

See, a couple game sessions ago Kampo's bag was stolen from our room at the inn, resulting in his loss of the goopy Goblinoid head as well as his significant supply of cigars and booze. This made Kampo a bit...unbalanced.

Addictions are bad, m'kay?

With the saner members of our merry band off actually doing our job Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Jackass were free to chase the poor woman down the street. Naturally, this caused a commotion in the crowded city streets, what with two crazy men chasing down a bloody and shrieking woman. A commotion the rest of us could hear loud and clear.

I tossed the barrel I had literally just picked up and bolted in the direction of the commotion, as did Karash and the Elves. By the time we reached Shauna she was a bloody mess surrounded by townspeople, with Rafiki and Kampo closing in. Tokkichuu, in a moment of actual brilliance, erected a wall of vines between the stabbers and the stabee.

Karash ran up behind Kampo, picking him up with a bear hug. He proceeded to give Kampo the verbal lashing we had all dreamed of, with Kampo insisting she was 'evil' and 'up to something'. Doesn't matter, we argued: we're mercenaries, and she's giving us money. Doesn't matter what she's 'up to'.

With Kampo seemingly under control Karash 'leads' him back toward the Inn (and away from the general public), with Rafiki close behind, walking past Shauna's already loaded ox drawn wagon.

And this is where the trouble would have ended, had Rafiki not decided to pet the pretty ox.

Ever see Hell break loose? This was pretty similar to that. The Ox and wagon crashed down the streets, slamming into buildings and pedestrians alike. Karash chucked Kampo and jumped on the raging beast. Barrels crashed to the ground and Kampo, sensing an opportunity for who knows what, began cracking them open, ignoring the comrade in mortal peril not five feet from him.

Open a barrel: Papers

Open a barrel: Gold

Open a barrel: More papers

Open a barrel: Even more papers

Open a barrel: A bound, gagged and unconscious body

Well &$%#.

Next time on D&Dumb: The Scarlet Steel try yet again to actually complete a job. Can the party protect their latest patron from Kampo and Rafiki's shenanigans?

D&Dammit Kampo, Part 1

With us this week was yet another fresh faced adventurer, aka D&D noob, Emily.

Our current campaign, as well as any other we've run in the past, uses D&D 4th edition. Now, before you Master Race Pathfinder players and 3.5 advocates get all uppity let me say this: shut up.

Now, admittedly 4th edition can be a bit combat heavy. Just a little. But today was to be a special encounter, Aaron told us: a combat style encounter with, get this: no combat. Sweet.

We started the evening's activities with a visit from the Scarlet Steel head office, an Orcish agent dropping off a new recruit, Emily, aka Eimile, aka 'the other elf'. She was just in time to witness an NPC named Shauna crashing through the tavern doors in desperate need of our particular line of skills: Pack bitches

I had worked with Shauna previously, body guarding, being a sentient mule, the usual boring mercenary stuff. The important thing is she gave me money, and I saw this as an opportunity to claim more of the same. Shauna was desperate, and desperation could give me the edge in payroll negotiations. I grabbed Tokkichuu (Marissa) and the rookie and tailed Shauna outside, with Karash (Mat) and the idiot twins Kampo an Rafiki (John and Jake) hot on our heels.

She needed to get out of town, fast, but first she needed her stuff. Finally, it was my time to shine. No more sitting worthless in narrow hallways. I knew exactly where all her barrels and crates were (since I was the lucky mule that put them there). I sent Karash after some of the barrels, taking the Elves with me, leaving Rafiki and Kampo to do Pelor knows what, probably stand around farting and giggling at each other.

But there was no farting, nor giggling. The moment we left earshot Kampo's inner sociopath woke up for the day to discover Shauna right in front of him.

This is where it gets dumb.