I decided to be completely and utterly cheap in dispatching the gruesome porker, choosing to sneak up on to the bridge behind it and rain down firebombs on its delicious head. Matter of fact, I used fire bombs quite a bit today, using them to kill the Hollow Knights and the giant towershield wielding dude in the Undead Perish's church. Dude was a chump.
No, the hard part was getting past the red drake guarding the bridge. I so much as stick an eyelash out from behind the wall, he'd singe it off with a burst of flame. While this makes for an effective place to farm souls (there are several Hollows on the bridge, and the drake has no concept of 'comrades') it also makes getting to the Perish's church quite difficult. I could take the other route, but it's full of poisonous rats and nope. So, I played a couple rounds of peek-a-boo with the drake.
Finally Big Red hauled his spiky ass off his perch and landed not ten feet from me. Triggering some sort of fearless (or as I call 'stupid') streak in me, I sprinted past him in full heavy armor, making a mad dash to the tower doorway. Of course, wearing 500 pounds of steel isn't conducive to running for your freaking life, and I was quickly caught in the back by a plume of searing hate. I managed to crawl to the safety of the tower, where I waited.
And oh did I wait. I knew eventually he'd get bored and fly off, but in the meantime he was right outside, ready to barbecue me should I make a break for the bonfire at the back of the very room I was in. He shot blast after blast of fire through the tower door, but I was safely hugging the wall. I waited. Minutes passed. I got bored and wandered off to load the dishwasher. Still he remained. But I will not be out stubborned!!!
I spent a little time clicking through my inventory while I waited. While I did eventually run out of my favorite toy (fire bombs), I did gain a whole new one on my sprint down the BBQ bridge: the claymore. While heavy, just a couple swings from this puppy crushed damn near anything I've smashed it into so far, even those stupid, evil, horrible spear hollows who I NEVER seem to be able to get past without half my health or more being jabbed out the other side of me.
Finish fiddling with equipment. Get up, grab a glass of water. Ok, jerk, you win, I'll just run over here through this side door and see whats there. Lame, it's just a couple of the weak red hollows that quack as they attack...
What's that sound? He's leaving? FINALLY! *runs into the Undead church, up a flight of stairs, and directly into a mage and about eighty billion red quackers, who immediately eviscerate me*.
*blank face* Whelp, I wonder where I need to go next in FFIX *quits out of Dark Souls*.
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