KABOOM!!!

I have a confession to make. This is a rather sore subject for me, and it's taking a lot of strength to admit to this, both to my readers and to myself.

I...*deep breath*...am a bad gamer.

I love games, but I generally suck at most titles I pick up, always picking the 'easy', 'novice', or 'sobbing little girl' difficulty setting whenever possible. Dark Souls does not have a 'little girl' setting. Dark Souls doesn't have any difficulty settings. Instead the game rams a saddle on you, shoves a bit in your mouth, and rides you like a borrowed mule (that it borrowed from someone it really didn't like).

Dark Souls Protip #79: No matter how funny it is watching
the shadows of other players die,always remain aware of your surroundings.

Being the little scaredy cat that I am, I basically spent most of my day level grinding. Tag the bonfire, kill the Hollow Soldiers in the immediate area, tag the bonfire, kill the Hollow Soldiers in the immediate area,Tag the bonfire, kill the Hollow Soldiers in the immediate area, tag the bonfire, kill the Hollow Soldiers in the immediate area, tag the bonfire, kill the Hollow Soldiers in the immediate area, tag the bonfire, kill the Hollow Soldiers in the immediate area...Hours of this.

But then, as if a gift of salvation in my time of need, a merchant! Exploring around a place I had been avoiding (as it was guarded by two spear-wielding Hollows, and &%#$ those guys in the ear with a hammer) I notice a staircase, with *sound of singing angels* a merchant at the bottom! With my best gear quickly degrading from all the dying I do so much, his nasty half decayed visage was a vision of beauty. Unfortunately I needed some more souls so I could buy something, so I'll be right back and...

"Hmph. What a waste of time. Go and fall off a cliff."

...The crap you just say to me? HOW DARE YOU SIR!!! How dare you!!! No, Geeky Cat, get a hold of yourself. You need him alive...just...walk...away...

Ahem. So after I manage to level up a few times and grabbing a few (dozen) fire bombs from the...gentleman...I headed for my target: the Taurus Demon.

Getting to the big bastard was hard enough. I wasn't in the mood to fight every single Hollow between the safety of my bonfire and the beast, so every single attempt I made I sprinted past them. Clearly these jerks weren't on my side, as they did everything in their power to slow me down, punching my hit points in the face along the way.

Oh the Taurus Demon. So many times I have had you mere moments from death, just a sliver of your health bar remaining, and yet EVERY SINGLE TIME you manage to smash/slam/sit on me/launch me into freaking space just as I am pulling back my final blow. Oh, but this time, furball, I have yo-no, I'm dead again.

Attempt number eight of the day: Just as I have every single attempt before, I first clear out the two Hollow archers on top of the tower. I jump down, run down the bridge to trigger the demon, sprint back to the tower and climb up before he can knock me down. I jump on top of his head doing a dropping attack...and oh crap oh crap oh crap run awaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Run run run run run turn around FIREBOMB!!! *gets stomped* ouch! He's almost dead...almost dead, he has the smallest sliver of health left! I've never had him this low, but my own health is but a single flick of his finger away from zero...He pulls back his great ax as I throw one last desperate firebomb...

BOOM BITCH!!!!!

I actually started shaking as I shouted my victory cry at the screen, causing my cat to run into the room meowing. As the Taurus Demon evaporates into new souls for me to use, I skip down the bridge toward the other side's door, the entrance to the Undead Parish!! Finally a new location, I was getting so tired of the Undead Burg. Now I get to explore-Hey it's that dragon from before... *immediately gets barbecued*

...Huh. Whelp that's enough for today! Check in tomorrow kids, for we are Earthbound!