I wanna go to DUNGEONLAND!

I have a habit of procrastination.

Go on, get your laughs out now so we can focus.

Anyway, no one is more familiar with my behavior than Aaron, who was kind enough to give me a little boost with my Free in '14 quest by downloading a bunch of free games off Steam for me.

Thaaaaaaaaaaanks baaaaaaaaaaaaabe.

Of the four downloads on my screen one stood out: Dungeonland. Mostly because of the bright colors (I might have a short attention span...maybe), but also because it had the word 'dungeon' in the name. Can't go wrong with vanilla fantasy, right?

Dungeonland is a three-player action/dungeon-crawler with a colorful, cartoonish style and sense of humor. The game takes place in a theme park which is worryingly devoid of tourists, unless you count giant caterpillars and skeletal archers as tourists. As per the requirements, it is free to play, but almost immediately upon loading the main menu screen I'm hit with a mustachioed jester's pitch:

HEY! YOU! FILTHY NERD! HERE! BUY THIS ARMOR SKIN PACK!!! ONLY $2.99!!!

Filthy nerd? Why, I've never been so insulted in my life! Hrumph! HRUMPH I SAY!

Pleasantries aside, The game isn't bad. Dungeonland has a heavy emphasis on teamwork, giving you two AI partners if you can't play online or with friends. Like other fantasy games, you have a choice of classes: Warrior, Mage, or Rogue. Within those classes is a little customization, such as running a fire or lightning based type mage, or an assassin or ranger type rogue.

Predictably I ran a warrior my first time through. Controls were about as basic as one can get: WASD to move, 'space bar' to dodge (or hip thrust, in the case of the mage) and left-clicking to attack. Only two of the six levels are available in free mode: DM Tower and DM Mode. I hit 'DM Tower' and braced for whatever the crap happened next.

What happened next wasn't bad. Not the best game I've ever played, but certainly not the worst.

You just run through the level, wailing on garbage cans for loot and fried chicken while killing anything that moves...and isn't your AI buddies. The enemies attack in mobs at certain points, and a separate mob with a mini-boss attacks at random.

My first opponent was a sheep. A sheep that promptly rolled onto its back when I ran up to it. Do you have any idea how hard it is to slaughter a defenseless, innocent sheep? It's so fluffy, for crying out loud.

Not hard at all, actually. Easier after I learned sheep drop fried chicken and hamburgers upon excruciating murder.

After clearing two levels of their skeletons and chicken you finally reach a boss. You know, like a real dungeon!

Naw, man, I'm good to *hic!* fight...

The big baddy of the DM Tower was nothing less than worthy of the 'Boss' Title. He was the dreaded...The terrifying...

...The Beer-Holder.

The lush proved to be quite a challenge, despite his inebriated and gassy state. My battle strategy consisted of dying a bunch, getting rezzed by my AI team mates, then running like a bitch until I needed rezzing again. 

He never saw it coming.

With the day saved and my interest piqued, I figured I'd see how much the other levels cost to unlock. I like the game enough to drop 2-3 bucks on a little expansion, so I clicked on the 'store' option. 

'All Access Pass'... So... I can't buy just one level? That's cool, I suppose I could swing a few extra bucks if I get all of them...But where's the price? *click*

Clicking on the 'Pass' icon took me completely out of the game and into the Steam store. The Steam store homepage. I had to hunt down Dungeonland to find the pricing, and even then I couldn't find an 'All Access Pass'. Instead I found the option to buy the whole game. 

For $16.99. Nope.

Play It or Pass It: If you have a Steam account absolutely give it a try, a free try. If you don't have a steam account, fix it because clearly you're broken, then give it a go.