Pokenoucments

Who doesn't love them some Pokemon? It fills a nerd's baser urges for cute, murderous animals as well as our crippling hoarding habits.

Soul Silver, my most recent attempt to 'catchem' all', was a remake of the original Pokemon Silver, one of the games in the series' second generation.

The Poke-franchise is now six generations deep or whatever, with over 700 of the little bastards to catch. Or something. I seriously lost count.

Anyway, imagine my surprise when I saw the recent announcement that a new remake was on the horizon: Pokemon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire, based off of the third generation of the series.

You're scaring all the Pidgeys away!

When will this stop?

Honestly I love Pokemon, Red was the first video game I ever bought myself. But much like a delicious pepperoni pizza sitting on the counter for a couple days it's beginning to smell and should probably be thrown out lest someone accidentally eat it.

In other news, Geeky Cat's jumping on the Youtubes!!

Ladies and germs, meet Jake, our newest initiate into the Geeky fold! He and Aaron will be playing all sorts of weird and random games, like Attack on Titan, Ace of Spades, and more!

I'll also be throwing in some good old table top madness, with the introduction of our brand new Dungeons and Dragons campaign. Day one started with me standing in various hallways, our good buddy John lying on the ground every other turn, and Jake up there stealing literally our only light sources, for no other reason than because he could.

Methinks this quest has potential.  

Pokeball's a shape...

Contrary to my personal intuition and the dusting of snow on my front porch, Spring is apparently upon us. You know what that meeeeeeeaaaaaaaannnnnnnssss!

Time to ditch the sweaters and don the bikinis cause Summer's 'round the bend!

But whats this? Fluffy Winter insulation around the midsection? Curses!

Now, nerds aren't known for their physical prowess or 'shape', and while I'm far from the typical stereotype I've certainly got my share of fluff.

Thankfully Nintendo's got my back. Sold with every (new) copy of Soul Silver and Heart Gold was the Pokewalker, a Pokeball shaped pedometer that could hold a single Pokemon. Walking helped the Pokemon level up, as well as having minigames for items and the ability to catch a Pokemon. Exercise seems a small price to pay to avoid the grind or the daycare.

The only real downside to the Pokewalker was the fact that no matter how many steps you took, no matter how many days you left your Pokemon in there, once retrieved the Pokemon will only have gained one level. Just one. Guess that prevents someone from tossing a level one in there and marathoning it up to 99.

Sadly I'm pretty sure that no Pokegame since has made use of the Pokewalker, which is a damn shame. It's a pretty good pedometer, and frankly everything, especially exercise, is better with minigames.

Grind It, Baby

That's right, kids, lets talk 'bout grinding.

RPG grinding.

Like it or not grinding has become a part of gaming, a tradition going back to many of the earliest RPG's. Be it for levels or loot grinding has almost become ubiquitous in gaming, almost to the point of the grind becoming the gameplay.

Why do we grind? The most common reason is to gain levels. In Pokemon Soul Silver I have reached a point where my Pokemon simply don't cut it anymore. At an average level of 24 they are, for reasons unknown and probably unrelated to my perceived incompetence as a trainer, getting stomped by enemies a couple levels lower than themselves. What's a cat to do? Grind.

I set up camp on route 37, just outside of Ecruteak City. I have spent a couple hours combing the grass, encountering mid-teen level Vulpix, Pidgeys, and Stantlers.

Stantlers are by and far the best experience points in the area, giving more than double that of the other Pokemon. Fighting them, however, can be fairly annoying, particularly if it's my Gyrados Poseidon doing the fighting.

Poseidon's intimidate cuts the wild Stantler's attack!

The wild Stantler's intimidate cuts Poseidon's attack!

The staring contest alone can sometimes take hours

Poseidon's intimidate cuts the wild Stantler's attack!

The wild Stantler's intimidate cuts Poseidon's attack!

Over and over and over again.

Grinding isn't limited to levels or loot: some players feel the need to grind the game. The Living Story in Guild Wars 2 has fallen victim to this practice, with players swarming the severs on the Tuesday updates in order to be the first to see the latest content. These players complete the new content in a matter of hours, then spend the next two to four weeks bitching about the lack of new content and the obvious shortcomings of the present.

We've cleaned up after this flowery bitch for over a year and you guys wanna rush this?

Meanwhile those of us that don't make it to opening update ceremonies or, like me, prefer to play the content quite a bit, are left all alone in an empty arena fighting something that needs half a server to take down.

It's criminal, people.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have another 800 Meowths I need to kill while I wait for the Flowery Bitch's BFF.

P-P-Pokecomic

Dejamon

After two attempts and 40 minutes of pressing the A button as fast as my thumb could bear I was Finally back on track. I had Mr. Pokemon's egg (but sadly no skillet).

The next few hours became a blur. Zephyr Badge, mine. Grind grind grind grind. Level grind in the grass. Level grind through a cave. Level grind all over Team Rocket's face.

It's about this time that I realize just how...off my team is. I've got my evolved starter, Quilava, a Hoot Hoot, an apparently inedible egg, a Magicarp, and a bitch Rattata (my HM dump), who hasn't gained more than two levels since his capture. Be the very best indeed.

Despite the obvious... shortcomings of my team we still manage to win our battles, making friends along the way, a fact I'm beginning to regret.

See, I have a neat little gadget called a Pokegear, which is kind of a smart phone with like 5 apps, and also kinda like a paperweight. It can tune in to the radio, show me a world map, and even make calls. It can also receive calls.

Which is a problem.

Between Youngster Joey and my mother my Pokegear is forever glued to my digital ear, besieged by tales of Rattatas and failed Hoot Hoot capturings.

Couple more blurred hours later and I'm now the indifferent owner of three badges, a Gyrados, a Vulpix, and a Togapi (which admittedly looks far tastier post-hatching).

Maybe I could use some of those berries, after all. Anyone got a recipe for a good marinade?

Gotta Catch'em ALLLLLLLL

Many years ago a young me saved up all the pennies she could (90's kids were paid exclusively in pennies) over the course of a summer to make her first big purchase: a Gameboy Color. I waltzed into the local Walmart, pennies jingling happily in my pocket (90's kids had pockets made with TARDIS technology), and bought myself  a brand-spankin' new purple Gameboy, complete with the hot new game Pokemon Red. That was my first game, and it left a helluva impression.

Those warm, toasty memories came rushing back thanks to Twitch Plays Pokemon Red, a collaborative effort between thousands of players to make the titular Red seem less like a Poke-master and more like a terrifying mental patient. My own copy of Red long lost to the ages, I flipped through my DS game collection and choose Soul Silver.

Ignoring my previous save file and it's eight badges I select new game, blowing past the warning that probably said something about losing my old file. Whatevs.

Immediately upon taking control of my little sprite I am struck by how slooooooooow she is. I crawl out of my house and head next door, to the Pokemon research facility. It's time to get my very own Pokemon and start my great adventure, right? Right?

Nope.

There is no 'big, life changing' adventure for me. Today isn't my coming of age. Instead today's the day I get tossed a loaner Pokemon from the bin and told to run the big important science man an errand over in the next town.

Gee, thanks.

I grabbed the Cyndaquil, because fire is always the answer, regardless of the question, and shuffled the long, long path to Cherrygrove City.

Oh and what a path it was, wrought with tall grass and ledges shorter than I (but still unclimbable), my dear Cynna and I besiged by Rattata and Pidgeys. We finally reach the gates of Cherrygrove City, a little worse for wear, but alive.

Sadly I can't say the same for some. 

We are stopped by an overly chipper old man who seems a little *too* excited to show an unaccompanied pre-adolescent girl around town, running circles around my slacker ass the whole way. But wait! The ultimate secret to his immense speed is his running shoes! Of course!

"Here, take mine!" he leered, "They're still warm!' *eyebrow waggle*

No....*backs away*.....I'm good, but I'll take that brand new pair behind you for the low, low price of not asking why you have a pair of little girl shoes in your possession.

Whatever, I can run now. It's been about, oh, 20 minutes so far, I had better save.

Cannot save over current save file. To delete old save file, press up-select-B on the main screen.

....Wat?