D&Drugs (Are Bad, M'Kay?)

Today's post is brought to you by Jake and his artist, the Great Kampo (John).

From the Book of Kampo:

After a vision quest led by the curious drug known as vision dust right now, our lord led a solitary quest into the surrounding forest.

As he needed to be off to seek divine guidance our group came to a bridge that will forever be known as the vagina to the river womb that gave birth to our lord on this day. Tossed in only what he was born with down the current he was delivered unto the world once again.

Drugs aside, this is why you don't smoke just...everything... -Geeky Cat

Let today be known throughout history as 'The Divine Birth'

Praise be to Kampo!!!

D&Dammit Kampo Part 2

Remember how I mentioned this was to be a non-combat encounter? That changed the moment Kampo stabbed Shauna in the face, and a second time as Rafiki stabbed her in the back. For nooooooo reason. None, besides irrational paranoia and a little back-talk.

See, a couple game sessions ago Kampo's bag was stolen from our room at the inn, resulting in his loss of the goopy Goblinoid head as well as his significant supply of cigars and booze. This made Kampo a bit...unbalanced.

Addictions are bad, m'kay?

With the saner members of our merry band off actually doing our job Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Jackass were free to chase the poor woman down the street. Naturally, this caused a commotion in the crowded city streets, what with two crazy men chasing down a bloody and shrieking woman. A commotion the rest of us could hear loud and clear.

I tossed the barrel I had literally just picked up and bolted in the direction of the commotion, as did Karash and the Elves. By the time we reached Shauna she was a bloody mess surrounded by townspeople, with Rafiki and Kampo closing in. Tokkichuu, in a moment of actual brilliance, erected a wall of vines between the stabbers and the stabee.

Karash ran up behind Kampo, picking him up with a bear hug. He proceeded to give Kampo the verbal lashing we had all dreamed of, with Kampo insisting she was 'evil' and 'up to something'. Doesn't matter, we argued: we're mercenaries, and she's giving us money. Doesn't matter what she's 'up to'.

With Kampo seemingly under control Karash 'leads' him back toward the Inn (and away from the general public), with Rafiki close behind, walking past Shauna's already loaded ox drawn wagon.

And this is where the trouble would have ended, had Rafiki not decided to pet the pretty ox.

Ever see Hell break loose? This was pretty similar to that. The Ox and wagon crashed down the streets, slamming into buildings and pedestrians alike. Karash chucked Kampo and jumped on the raging beast. Barrels crashed to the ground and Kampo, sensing an opportunity for who knows what, began cracking them open, ignoring the comrade in mortal peril not five feet from him.

Open a barrel: Papers

Open a barrel: Gold

Open a barrel: More papers

Open a barrel: Even more papers

Open a barrel: A bound, gagged and unconscious body

Well &$%#.

Next time on D&Dumb: The Scarlet Steel try yet again to actually complete a job. Can the party protect their latest patron from Kampo and Rafiki's shenanigans?

D&Dammit Kampo, Part 1

With us this week was yet another fresh faced adventurer, aka D&D noob, Emily.

Our current campaign, as well as any other we've run in the past, uses D&D 4th edition. Now, before you Master Race Pathfinder players and 3.5 advocates get all uppity let me say this: shut up.

Now, admittedly 4th edition can be a bit combat heavy. Just a little. But today was to be a special encounter, Aaron told us: a combat style encounter with, get this: no combat. Sweet.

We started the evening's activities with a visit from the Scarlet Steel head office, an Orcish agent dropping off a new recruit, Emily, aka Eimile, aka 'the other elf'. She was just in time to witness an NPC named Shauna crashing through the tavern doors in desperate need of our particular line of skills: Pack bitches

I had worked with Shauna previously, body guarding, being a sentient mule, the usual boring mercenary stuff. The important thing is she gave me money, and I saw this as an opportunity to claim more of the same. Shauna was desperate, and desperation could give me the edge in payroll negotiations. I grabbed Tokkichuu (Marissa) and the rookie and tailed Shauna outside, with Karash (Mat) and the idiot twins Kampo an Rafiki (John and Jake) hot on our heels.

She needed to get out of town, fast, but first she needed her stuff. Finally, it was my time to shine. No more sitting worthless in narrow hallways. I knew exactly where all her barrels and crates were (since I was the lucky mule that put them there). I sent Karash after some of the barrels, taking the Elves with me, leaving Rafiki and Kampo to do Pelor knows what, probably stand around farting and giggling at each other.

But there was no farting, nor giggling. The moment we left earshot Kampo's inner sociopath woke up for the day to discover Shauna right in front of him.

This is where it gets dumb.

D&Dumb

Last night saw day two of our great quest in our Dungeons and Dragon's campaign and our mercenary group, The Scarlet Steel, ain't exactly off to an epic start.

We started back where we left off: In a dilapidated ruin filled with the now dead tentacle monsters of the week before. John and Jake are taking turns throwing various objects down the giant pit taking up part of the room, from sunrods to urine, waiting for something to jump out and latch onto their faces.

When that fails to entertain them past five minutes we finally begin tackling our greatest quandary: Which door do we check first? With four to chose from and five of us to argue over it little progress is made, until John takes the initiative and runs face first into one of the doors.

Stepping over John's dazed form we discover the door in fact has a handle, though this information helped us little since the damn thing was locked.

Jake, our resident thief, our thief, decides that, like the walls around us, surely the door must also be magical. One failed arcana check later and Jake is convinced that not only is the door magical, but there appears to be a strange symbol upon the door exactly in the shape of John's face. Surely this can mean but one thing.

The prophecies have spoken. John is a god. PRAISE BE TO KAMPO!!!!!

I...I don't even....

It is at this point my character, Mara Ironfist, sulks off to meditate on the level of stupid she just witnessed.

Meanwhile it is agreed upon by the more able-minded among us that perhaps the door's lock and the strange platform over the pit might be related in some way. Maybe. We weren't sure. Mat solved the issue by picking up one of the dead tentacle guys and chucking on top of the platform. A loud kerchunck, or perhaps more of a sheeeeeeeck (many arguments were had over exactly what sound was made) announced the opening of the doors.

Marissa, our Druid, and I barged through the first door, ready to kick ass and chew bubble gum. Sadly we were all out of gum, and sadder still we were blasted by a fire rune for our trouble. Curiosity may not of killed these cats, but it certainly singed our whiskers.

That door sucked, so we tried a different one. This one proved to be far more promising, housing a couple of goblins discussing their baby-dinner plans. Things to kill? Check. Morally sound reason for said killing? Check. Time to party.

And by party I mean watch Mat kill everything. Oh well, at least my maul didn't get dirty.

Pokenoucments

Who doesn't love them some Pokemon? It fills a nerd's baser urges for cute, murderous animals as well as our crippling hoarding habits.

Soul Silver, my most recent attempt to 'catchem' all', was a remake of the original Pokemon Silver, one of the games in the series' second generation.

The Poke-franchise is now six generations deep or whatever, with over 700 of the little bastards to catch. Or something. I seriously lost count.

Anyway, imagine my surprise when I saw the recent announcement that a new remake was on the horizon: Pokemon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire, based off of the third generation of the series.

You're scaring all the Pidgeys away!

When will this stop?

Honestly I love Pokemon, Red was the first video game I ever bought myself. But much like a delicious pepperoni pizza sitting on the counter for a couple days it's beginning to smell and should probably be thrown out lest someone accidentally eat it.

In other news, Geeky Cat's jumping on the Youtubes!!

Ladies and germs, meet Jake, our newest initiate into the Geeky fold! He and Aaron will be playing all sorts of weird and random games, like Attack on Titan, Ace of Spades, and more!

I'll also be throwing in some good old table top madness, with the introduction of our brand new Dungeons and Dragons campaign. Day one started with me standing in various hallways, our good buddy John lying on the ground every other turn, and Jake up there stealing literally our only light sources, for no other reason than because he could.

Methinks this quest has potential.