I'm Done With This Bull

Bam: Me-1, Taurus Demon-like 20.

But it's that '1' that matters, at least in terms of game logic, which is the only type of logic I care to think about.

I finally kicked his furry behind on try number three Monday afternoon, all the while being horrifically reckless.

See, the best way (in my opinion, since that's all that really matters) to start off the fight is to walk slowly toward the other end of the bridge that the fight takes place on, wait for him to drop down, then high-tail it back to the tower you walked in on. Rocket up the ladder to the top of the tower, then jump onto his head blade first like a(n un)living guillotine.

Now, normally I can only manage one of these attacks per attempt, since the set up can be difficult, but I was feeling ballsy today, so I ran back for seconds.

And seconds is what I got. I somehow made it up the ladder untouched, and even more shockingly managed to jump back down before he could join me.

I wasn't done courting dumb, however. In Dark Souls your character's movements actually have a feel of weight behind them, so you can't just button mash your way to victory. This means you have to time your movements out, lest your dodge roll get stuck at the bottom of the action queue, resulting in your guy performing that slash you wanted earlier instead of getting the crap outta there. You also have that pesky stamina bar to worry about.

Aaron's advice to me: run in, attack PRECISELY TWO TIMES, then use my remaining sliver of stamina to roll to safety.

That...that never worked.

See, I am an impatient spaz of a gamer. When things get even a little sticky I mash my buttons into pudding. This is not a sound strategy for Dark Souls.

Today was different. With two fresh lobotomys and a couple of ankle pokes I had the demon on his last...hoofs. But I too was severely weakened, and with little stamina I was forced to make a decision. I lunged for him....

...and missed. I lunged one more time, with no stamina left and a sliver of health I made one last desperate attack...

...and BOOM! Down goes demon!!!

It only gets worse from here, folks, but at least now I have Solaire the sun bro to fight by my side.

Together, we can become just so grossly incandescent...

D&Dice Fails

Music is a magical medium. It can invoke emotions such as sadness or elation. Music can speak volumes when words alone fail to capture the essence of something.

It is to music that I turn to describe Saturday night's Dungeons and Dragons session. Enjoy.

Saturday night will go down in history as the Night of the Crits, and what a night it was.

With most of the party MIA Mat, newcomer Tyler and I were reunited and free to complete a dungeon crawl sans morons (*cough* Kampo and Rafiki *COUGH*). This somehow went worse than if the morons had been present.

See, in D&D players roll a 20 sided dice to determine the outcome of certain actions, like attacking or attempting to stay on the back of a bucking displacer beast. But the 20 sided dice is a fickle creature, and can sometimes land in one of two critical positions: a critical miss, or a '1', or a critical hit, or a '20' on the dice.

"1's" are bad. Like bad-bad.

Criticals of either variety are uncommon at best, with one or the other popping up in a game maybe 2-3 times, max.

Saturday night, between only three players and the Dungeon Master, we had eighteen goddamned criticals. Eight-%#@*ing-teen. That's eight critical hits, mostly for Aaron, and ten critical misses, mostly between Tyler and myself.

It was bullhonky. Buuuuullllllllllhooooooooooonkyyyyyyy.

Let's take a look at a couple of highlights:

Miss: I take a swing at a giant scorpion, face-planting and flinging my maul in the process.
Hit: Said scorpion crit to buck me off.
Miss: A scorpion missed Mat, only to clamp down on his compatriot.
Hit: Tyler smashed a motion-sensing gem into oblivion.
Miss: I took a mighty swing at a Fell Taint, felling a stone pillar instead.
Hit: Tyler perceived ALL of the Fell Taints.
Miss: Upon inspection, Mat determined that a door was in fact a horse. Maybe.

And that was but a taste, people. A painful, stupid taste.

Dark Monday

Monday's are weird, people.

Hell, the saying "case of the Mondays" stands as a monument to that singular off-ness that only a Monday can bring.

I'm having a case of the Mondays.

This is quite unusual for me, as I rather like that bright and shining first (technically second) day of the week. But today is different. Monday different.

I died around 10 times during the two or so hours I played Dark Souls today, around nine times more than my current state of mind could handle. I fell to my death. I was stabbed to death. I was stabbed to death again. I was smooshed by the Taurus Demon. I was stabbed to death again.

In about four of my six or so encounters with the big bastard today I actually got him down to about 1/3 to 1/4 health. Then I'd die. Always I would die.

This is all my psyche could handle drawing. 

I finally gave up, grinded a few soul levels, then went outside and cleaned out my car. Take that Taurus Demon.

Monday Madness: Back Into Darkness

Back to Lordran I go, where I'll die first, nobody knows!!

It's the Asylum Demon. I died first to the Asylum Demon.

Admittedly I probably shouldn't have picked a fight with him literally five minutes into the game, as broken swords have a tendency to be quite poor weapons when used against giant flabby harbingers of doom.

So I scrapped myself off the bonfire floor and explored a bit, finding the estus flasks (R.I.P. Oscar), a shield and a sword in the process, as well as a key to a passage above the Demon.

I may have missed out on getting the jump on the demon, but it didn't stop me from whooping his infernal ass in round two.

It really didn't take me very long to pick the game back up, far less than I was anticipating. I still fumble with which buttons do what, but you can't make an omelet without accidentally cracking a few humanity. Or eggs. Man that's a nasty omelet...

I had forgotten just how beautiful and dreary the game is. I had also forgotten about the creepy chuckle that every single NPC just has to finish their dialogue with.

...Heh.....um....

Shut up, guy. You only live by my grace, and my grace alone.

I'm running a warrior this time through, slightly less beefy in the defense department compared to a knight, but so far she's holding her own.

So far.

The Results Are In...

...and the general consensus is that everyone hates me.

The sadists have it: this coming Monday I'm hitting Dark Souls anew.

I haven't decided yet on the class I'll use, but rest assured it'll be one with a high potential for survival, because Arkay knows I'm incapable of doing so via my own abilities.

Throwback Thursday: Poorly remastered, because you deserve it.

*Monotone* Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

*sobs uncontrollably*

Into a Comic, Darkly: One year and 100 posts!!!

That's right...For my 100th post I'm announcing the return of Monday Madness.

Dark Souls is coming back with a vengeance, and I'm leaving it up to you guys to choose my punishment for ignoring it for so long.

Will I:

Be shown mercy (pick up where I left off).

OR

Pay for my crimes accordingly (start completely anew).

Vote for your choice in the comments. The choice with the most votes by this Sunday night wins it.

Please...Please have mercy...

UPDATE

By complete accident today is both my 100th post AND The Geeky Cat's 1 year anniversary! Woooo!

Madness and Money, Payday 2 Part 2

BANG! BANG!

That's not the sound of gunfire, it's the sound of me slamming my head into the wall.

This isn't due to the difficulty or repetitiveness of Payday 2. My self inflicted concussions are because of the derpiness of the PS3 Payday 2 community. Now not all of the players I meet go full retard but it has happened enough that I am afraid it's becoming an epidemic.

My full purpose behind this article was not meant to be a rage filled review. The more I played online the angrier I became. Mission after mission I had to give up on the higher amounts of money due to people charging the front door, ignoring all guards, civilians and going straight for the mission.

Now before I hear people say "What's wrong with that? It's what they're supposed to do."Understand that setting off alarms can make missions harder, longer (that's what she said) and give a bigger chance of failure.

One of the first missions in Payday 2 is a simple bank heist. The players only have to find a way around four guards, cameras and then have to control the handful of civilians in the bank. The players are given a chance to scope out the bank before starting the mission to see where the guards and cameras might be. This is a great time to do any planning. At least that's what I thought until playing with others online.

In my first few matches I played with actual people they just ran in the front door every time like madmen. They would ignore all cameras and guards going straight for the safe, getting the police called on us immediately.

Although really the NPC AI isn't much better. "No, guys, I need to finish my smoke break. Y'all can wait 'til I'm done."

Certainly these other player's veteran level didn't reflect the "madness" that has overcome them. As my level grew so did my distaste for the others that joined me. Time and time again I saw the "madness" creep into their ever so slightly sane head as they start shooting every living creature informing everyone in the city to our position and actions. What was happening to these people?

Why was this happening? Was there something wrong with the community or was there something else possibly following me around causing these people to lose all touch with their sanity?

Check out part three, when a madness of my own arises.

-Aaron