I'm Done With This Bull

Bam: Me-1, Taurus Demon-like 20.

But it's that '1' that matters, at least in terms of game logic, which is the only type of logic I care to think about.

I finally kicked his furry behind on try number three Monday afternoon, all the while being horrifically reckless.

See, the best way (in my opinion, since that's all that really matters) to start off the fight is to walk slowly toward the other end of the bridge that the fight takes place on, wait for him to drop down, then high-tail it back to the tower you walked in on. Rocket up the ladder to the top of the tower, then jump onto his head blade first like a(n un)living guillotine.

Now, normally I can only manage one of these attacks per attempt, since the set up can be difficult, but I was feeling ballsy today, so I ran back for seconds.

And seconds is what I got. I somehow made it up the ladder untouched, and even more shockingly managed to jump back down before he could join me.

I wasn't done courting dumb, however. In Dark Souls your character's movements actually have a feel of weight behind them, so you can't just button mash your way to victory. This means you have to time your movements out, lest your dodge roll get stuck at the bottom of the action queue, resulting in your guy performing that slash you wanted earlier instead of getting the crap outta there. You also have that pesky stamina bar to worry about.

Aaron's advice to me: run in, attack PRECISELY TWO TIMES, then use my remaining sliver of stamina to roll to safety.

That...that never worked.

See, I am an impatient spaz of a gamer. When things get even a little sticky I mash my buttons into pudding. This is not a sound strategy for Dark Souls.

Today was different. With two fresh lobotomys and a couple of ankle pokes I had the demon on his last...hoofs. But I too was severely weakened, and with little stamina I was forced to make a decision. I lunged for him....

...and missed. I lunged one more time, with no stamina left and a sliver of health I made one last desperate attack...

...and BOOM! Down goes demon!!!

It only gets worse from here, folks, but at least now I have Solaire the sun bro to fight by my side.

Together, we can become just so grossly incandescent...

Dark Monday

Monday's are weird, people.

Hell, the saying "case of the Mondays" stands as a monument to that singular off-ness that only a Monday can bring.

I'm having a case of the Mondays.

This is quite unusual for me, as I rather like that bright and shining first (technically second) day of the week. But today is different. Monday different.

I died around 10 times during the two or so hours I played Dark Souls today, around nine times more than my current state of mind could handle. I fell to my death. I was stabbed to death. I was stabbed to death again. I was smooshed by the Taurus Demon. I was stabbed to death again.

In about four of my six or so encounters with the big bastard today I actually got him down to about 1/3 to 1/4 health. Then I'd die. Always I would die.

This is all my psyche could handle drawing. 

I finally gave up, grinded a few soul levels, then went outside and cleaned out my car. Take that Taurus Demon.

Monday Madness: Back Into Darkness

Back to Lordran I go, where I'll die first, nobody knows!!

It's the Asylum Demon. I died first to the Asylum Demon.

Admittedly I probably shouldn't have picked a fight with him literally five minutes into the game, as broken swords have a tendency to be quite poor weapons when used against giant flabby harbingers of doom.

So I scrapped myself off the bonfire floor and explored a bit, finding the estus flasks (R.I.P. Oscar), a shield and a sword in the process, as well as a key to a passage above the Demon.

I may have missed out on getting the jump on the demon, but it didn't stop me from whooping his infernal ass in round two.

It really didn't take me very long to pick the game back up, far less than I was anticipating. I still fumble with which buttons do what, but you can't make an omelet without accidentally cracking a few humanity. Or eggs. Man that's a nasty omelet...

I had forgotten just how beautiful and dreary the game is. I had also forgotten about the creepy chuckle that every single NPC just has to finish their dialogue with.

...Heh.....um....

Shut up, guy. You only live by my grace, and my grace alone.

I'm running a warrior this time through, slightly less beefy in the defense department compared to a knight, but so far she's holding her own.

So far.

The Results Are In...

...and the general consensus is that everyone hates me.

The sadists have it: this coming Monday I'm hitting Dark Souls anew.

I haven't decided yet on the class I'll use, but rest assured it'll be one with a high potential for survival, because Arkay knows I'm incapable of doing so via my own abilities.

Throwback Thursday: Poorly remastered, because you deserve it.

*Monotone* Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

*sobs uncontrollably*

Into a Comic, Darkly: One year and 100 posts!!!

That's right...For my 100th post I'm announcing the return of Monday Madness.

Dark Souls is coming back with a vengeance, and I'm leaving it up to you guys to choose my punishment for ignoring it for so long.

Will I:

Be shown mercy (pick up where I left off).

OR

Pay for my crimes accordingly (start completely anew).

Vote for your choice in the comments. The choice with the most votes by this Sunday night wins it.

Please...Please have mercy...

UPDATE

By complete accident today is both my 100th post AND The Geeky Cat's 1 year anniversary! Woooo!

Comic and a Question

Game physics are funny.

Dark Souls has done a magnificent job of adding the illusion of weight behind weapon swings and enemy attacks. However it appears the only thing with any mass in this game is the souls and weapons themselves, for once an enemy is dead it immediately turns into a rag doll made of weightless rubber. Sticky rubber. Made of deeeeeeeeeeead bodies.

The Thirty Day Anime Challenge: THE FIFTH DAY

The Anime I Am Most Ashamed to Have Liked

*spoilers, not so much*

I can't say I've ever been ashamed of anything I've watched to fruition. I generally play it safe with my animes, preferring the shonen variety over some of the other genres. While I'm not ashamed of anything I've liked, I can list a few shows I'm ashamed to say I watched far more of than I should have, for one reason or another.

One such abomination is Powerpuff Girls Z, a bizarre alternate reality of the Powerpuff Girls show I grew up with, Japanimationized.

The art style is similar to a modernized Astroboy. Professor X didn't create the girls, rather his son decided 'whats wrong with committing a few crimes against humanity' and dumps a bunch of chemicals into the atmosphere, resulting in three random (and unrelated) girls gaining super powers instead of cancer. I think I stuck with this mutated freak of a show for about two episodes when I should have punched out the screen 10 seconds in.

The other show I spent a bit more time on, although many of the episodes I watched weren't in order. Not that it mattered, as the things I DID see were enough to make me question whether a truly just and loving God exists. Because if there was such a being, this pile of wtf would never have existed.

I shall not name this monster aloud, for to utter it's name is to risk it's reappearance, a fate my heart cannot bear. Let's just say this beast of a show stomped my childhood into the ground like an Ōzaru stomps a baby bunny.

What anime are you most ashamed of?

All of my Rage

A Terrible Tuesday today has been indeed.

Loading up the personal hell that is Dark Souls this afternoon, I had a feeling of empowerment. I had recently increased the effectiveness of my armor and weapon, and today the first thing I did was further improve my dear claymore further, to a +4. I truly felt as though the gargoyles would be mine. After all, if not for my impromptu low altitude skydive last time I probably would have beat them. I turned human and made my way up the chapel.

First three hollows outside the chapel: Dead. The three Balder Knights inside the chapel: Dead. The wave of Crimson Quackers at the top of the stairs: Weird. Creepy. Also dead. During this time I barely took a hit, sustaining a small wound from the first Balder Knight. Nothing much, not enough to require healing before entering the Gargoyle's fog door, leaving me at full estus flasks for the big fight.

I stood before the fog door contemplating my position. Just for a second. Yup, I was ready. I spotted Solaire of Astora's summon sign. I walked to it, and began the summons. 

------Summoning Knight Solaire------

------Dark Spirit Jackass-Mc Ruin-Your-Day is Invading------

Wait, wut?

Speed 'er up, Solaire...

And then it was over. I was dead. Before Solaire could even finish materializing, I was dead.

I sat there for a solid 30 seconds, thinking about what had just happened. Then it hit me.

MOTHER @&%*ING PKER!!!!!!

I was told I couldn't be invaded during my first play through!!!!!!! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING NOW!?!?!?!

I was soooooo close!!! I could have had the Gargoyles this time!!

Invasions, like summoning NPC help (like Solaire) can happen only when a player has reversed their hollowing and become human again. Players elsewhere can invade a humanized player's game to either help or, like this jerk, kill you. Usually they go with the second option.

------Knight Solaire has been Summoned------

All of my rage. All of it. 

For whom the bell tolls

I have been to the roof top! I have fought the vicious gargoyle fiends! With the knight Solaire by my side, I knew I had but one option...Victory!!

Or, ya know, a second option: Falling off the roof to my death. Cause that can happen. *grumps*

Killing the bastard priest guy in the Undead Chapel (dance this off jackass!) and actually surviving the crimson quacker doggy pile that followed, I was finally at the gargoyle's foggy doorstep. I was ready. I had enhanced the protective abilities of my armor by one, and the attack of my claymore by 2. I was (and have been for some time) higher level than necessary, with nearly full health and full estus flasks (the method of healing in this game...it's kinda like drinking bottles fire...no, really). As added insurance I regained my humanity and summoned my new bestest buddy Solaire. 

I.Was.Ready.

The moment the first gargoyle touched down I ran to him. I did my best to dodge, roll, and block his attacks, both by air and by sky. Jumping in behind him I managed what I figured impossible and cut off his tail, granting me the Gargoyle Tail Axe. Cool beans.

But as soon as he saw his buddy playing the part of tennis ball in a weird game between two humans, the second gargoyle hopped down to play. It didn't matter, The first walking pigeon roost was without a tail, and nearly dead...

And then I fell off the roof. I didn't roll off. I didn't dodge too far. I just back-peddled right off the edge. Apparently, gargoyle rooftop battle grounds don't come equipped with safety rails.

...*siiiiiiiiiigh*

For whom does the bell toll?

Not me, yet.

Now if only I had some pancakes...

Goal accomplished!! Demon boar is bacon! Extra crispy bacon, that is.

I decided to be completely and utterly cheap in dispatching the gruesome porker, choosing to sneak up on to the bridge behind it and rain down firebombs on its delicious head. Matter of fact, I used fire bombs quite a bit today, using them to kill the Hollow Knights and the giant towershield wielding dude in the Undead Perish's church. Dude was a chump.

No, the hard part was getting past the red drake guarding the bridge. I so much as stick an eyelash out from behind the wall, he'd singe it off with a burst of flame. While this makes for an effective place to farm souls (there are several Hollows on the bridge, and the drake has no concept of 'comrades') it also makes getting to the Perish's church quite difficult. I could take the other route, but it's full of poisonous rats and nope. So, I played a couple rounds of peek-a-boo with the drake.

Finally Big Red hauled his spiky ass off his perch and landed not ten feet from me. Triggering some sort of fearless (or as I call 'stupid') streak in me, I sprinted past him in full heavy armor, making a mad dash to the tower doorway. Of course, wearing 500 pounds of steel isn't conducive to running for your freaking life, and I was quickly caught in the back by a plume of searing hate. I managed to crawl to the safety of the tower, where I waited.

And oh did I wait. I knew eventually he'd get bored and fly off, but in the meantime he was right outside, ready to barbecue me should I make a break for the bonfire at the back of the very room I was in. He shot blast after blast of fire through the tower door, but I was safely hugging the wall. I waited. Minutes passed. I got bored and wandered off to load the dishwasher. Still he remained. But I will not be out stubborned!!!

I spent a little time clicking through my inventory while I waited. While I did eventually run out of my favorite toy (fire bombs), I did gain a whole new one on my sprint down the BBQ bridge: the claymore. While heavy, just a couple swings from this puppy crushed damn near anything I've smashed it into so far, even those stupid, evil, horrible spear hollows who I NEVER seem to be able to get past without half my health or more being jabbed out the other side of me.

Finish fiddling with equipment. Get up, grab a glass of water. Ok, jerk, you win, I'll just run over here through this side door and see whats there. Lame, it's just a couple of the weak red hollows that quack as they attack...

What's that sound? He's leaving? FINALLY! *runs into the Undead church, up a flight of stairs, and directly into a mage and about eighty billion red quackers, who immediately eviscerate me*.

*blank face* Whelp, I wonder where I need to go next in FFIX *quits out of Dark Souls*.

Well hello bonfire...

So! I finally have a decent excuse for my absence!! I was at Gencon, the gamer convention in Indianapolis, Indiana.

Just as last year Aaron and I spent the weekend helping in a dungeon for NERO, the LARP we play. A couple of days NPCing and teaching new people to play the game we love? Yes please! If you've never been to a nerd convention (be it gaming or anime, or anything else), make a point to rectify it.

"Just a little...*ehn*...Farther...*ehn*...Needs...*oof*...Souls..."

Monday Madness today was short and painful. I died. Alot. Be it from getting shanked from behind by the Hollow behind me (freaking ninja) or poisoned by a zombie rat (which in itself is a death sentence), I died time and time again. Just as progress seemed to finally smile upon me, death would jump on my back with a deafening "HELLLLLOOOO!". After an hour of making literally zero progress, I calmly exited the game (HA!) and hopped over to more FFIX.

I think I'll make tomorrow Terrible Tuesday and at least try to get past the weird boar thing I can't seem to get to. Some demon bacon sounds great about now...

KABOOM!!!

I have a confession to make. This is a rather sore subject for me, and it's taking a lot of strength to admit to this, both to my readers and to myself.

I...*deep breath*...am a bad gamer.

I love games, but I generally suck at most titles I pick up, always picking the 'easy', 'novice', or 'sobbing little girl' difficulty setting whenever possible. Dark Souls does not have a 'little girl' setting. Dark Souls doesn't have any difficulty settings. Instead the game rams a saddle on you, shoves a bit in your mouth, and rides you like a borrowed mule (that it borrowed from someone it really didn't like).

Dark Souls Protip #79: No matter how funny it is watching
the shadows of other players die,always remain aware of your surroundings.

Being the little scaredy cat that I am, I basically spent most of my day level grinding. Tag the bonfire, kill the Hollow Soldiers in the immediate area, tag the bonfire, kill the Hollow Soldiers in the immediate area,Tag the bonfire, kill the Hollow Soldiers in the immediate area, tag the bonfire, kill the Hollow Soldiers in the immediate area, tag the bonfire, kill the Hollow Soldiers in the immediate area, tag the bonfire, kill the Hollow Soldiers in the immediate area...Hours of this.

But then, as if a gift of salvation in my time of need, a merchant! Exploring around a place I had been avoiding (as it was guarded by two spear-wielding Hollows, and &%#$ those guys in the ear with a hammer) I notice a staircase, with *sound of singing angels* a merchant at the bottom! With my best gear quickly degrading from all the dying I do so much, his nasty half decayed visage was a vision of beauty. Unfortunately I needed some more souls so I could buy something, so I'll be right back and...

"Hmph. What a waste of time. Go and fall off a cliff."

...The crap you just say to me? HOW DARE YOU SIR!!! How dare you!!! No, Geeky Cat, get a hold of yourself. You need him alive...just...walk...away...

Ahem. So after I manage to level up a few times and grabbing a few (dozen) fire bombs from the...gentleman...I headed for my target: the Taurus Demon.

Getting to the big bastard was hard enough. I wasn't in the mood to fight every single Hollow between the safety of my bonfire and the beast, so every single attempt I made I sprinted past them. Clearly these jerks weren't on my side, as they did everything in their power to slow me down, punching my hit points in the face along the way.

Oh the Taurus Demon. So many times I have had you mere moments from death, just a sliver of your health bar remaining, and yet EVERY SINGLE TIME you manage to smash/slam/sit on me/launch me into freaking space just as I am pulling back my final blow. Oh, but this time, furball, I have yo-no, I'm dead again.

Attempt number eight of the day: Just as I have every single attempt before, I first clear out the two Hollow archers on top of the tower. I jump down, run down the bridge to trigger the demon, sprint back to the tower and climb up before he can knock me down. I jump on top of his head doing a dropping attack...and oh crap oh crap oh crap run awaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Run run run run run turn around FIREBOMB!!! *gets stomped* ouch! He's almost dead...almost dead, he has the smallest sliver of health left! I've never had him this low, but my own health is but a single flick of his finger away from zero...He pulls back his great ax as I throw one last desperate firebomb...

BOOM BITCH!!!!!

I actually started shaking as I shouted my victory cry at the screen, causing my cat to run into the room meowing. As the Taurus Demon evaporates into new souls for me to use, I skip down the bridge toward the other side's door, the entrance to the Undead Parish!! Finally a new location, I was getting so tired of the Undead Burg. Now I get to explore-Hey it's that dragon from before... *immediately gets barbecued*

...Huh. Whelp that's enough for today! Check in tomorrow kids, for we are Earthbound!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAGE

Wow. That took a quick turn, even for me.

While I can proudly say I managed to NOT chuck my controller into my living room TV, I can't remember the last time I screamed that loudly or that many obscenities while playing anything, and that includes the last time I played Zombies. I don't mind dying, I DO mind nonsense teleporting behind me to spread my innards all over the nonsense in front of me. I can only handle so much (which really isn't all that much), so ON TO THE NEXT GAME!

I found myself quite surprised by the collection Aaron has accumulated on his PS3, and even more surprised by my complete lack of desire to play most of them. I loaded up Ratchet and Clank, but quit out at the loading screen. I then turned to the PS1 games he had on the system hoping for a twinge of nostalgia.

BAM, one of the first PS1 titles was Final Fantasy IX, my favorite of the Final Fantasy franchise and one of my favorite games of my childhood. I love that feeling, experiencing something for the second, third or fourth time years and years later, comfortably familiar yet just enough of it's details escape your memory that it feels somewhat new.

Just as before, I once again fell in love with the game. I love the style and the music, the story and its characters. All of its little quirks. Now that I am playing it as an adult it's a completely different experience. I'm now catching things I know I missed before, little nooks and crannies I never checked, abilities and strategies I never thought to maximize.

Then, in the middle of my happy trip to the past, I died in a fight. Zidane vs the first Black Waltz. I didn't account for turn speed and thus my life saving potion, set to be drunk upon my very next move, went unused as the Waltz's little pet Sealion decided my face was a perfect place to chuck a Blizzard spell. No big deal, I naively believed, I just didn't pay attention, I'll get him this time.

As I reloaded the game I came to the realization that, hey! Old games don't autosave!!! You know, autosave, that nifty little feature that most players, myself included, have come to take for granted. I loaded back in the middle of the Evil Forest, a clean 45 minutes from where I had been. Next game please!!!

Thus I spent the remained of Aaron's nap (he was asleep in the chair next to me, having passed out just after I started FFIX) playing Majong. So much for that. Tomorrow I think I'll throw Dark Souls back in, then more FFIX after I (inevitably) quit in a fiery explosion of anger and hate.

Well that was unexpected........

(I actually typed this post yesterday on my laptop, but couldn't log in here to post. whoops)

I figured I'd go easy on myself, so Shadow of the Colossus it was!

I'm pretty sure I spent more time watching cut scenes than actually playing the game. Beautiful cut scenes, but ultimately not why I was there. After finally gaining control of my character (or the Wanderer, as he prefers to call himself) I spent the next few minutes running in circles and fiddling with the camera until it was actually usable. After running across a large open field on a horse that didn't seem to like me (just go dude, I'm hitting X) and climbing a cliff face, I finally set eyes on the first colossus  and boy was he ugly (in a pretty kinda way). I got no farther than knee height to that big bull when my levels of self loathing reached Dark Souls levels.

So, with a lump in my throat and a stone in my stomach, I loaded up Dark Souls. The opening cinematic is gorgeous, and I'm always happy to hear a (rare) female voice over for narrations. Then comes character creation, and boy are these people ugly. It isn't very often that someone NOT blinking is the less creepy option. As with nearly every game I play, I named my creepy little hollow Yana, and made her a Knight (in fantasy games I HIT THINGS WITH MY STICK!!!!!!). 

Sitting in my cell at the game's opening I again spent a little time fiddling with the controls, accidentally using all three if my starting gifts (Goddess' Blessing) while trying to swing my sword hilt. Cursing my loss of early healing ability and in desperate need of an actual weapon, I left the comfort of my cell.

I do believe I died more to the first colossus than I did to the first big monster in Dark Souls, which blew my mind sideways eight directions. After watching Aaron play and die again and again and again in this game, I prepared myself for rage and anger and all that fun, awful stuff. And die I did, several times in the hour that I played (I was expecting my new landlord any time, and you can't pause Dark Souls. He never came by), but for some reason, completely against my gaming nature, not even a hint of rage entered my brain.

According to Aaron, my resident expert (giggle), Dark Souls avoids causing rage because players expect to die. It's almost a game mechanic. You play Dark Souls knowing full well that you are going to be seeing that bonfire (Dark Soul's version of a checkpoint) alot. He freely admits to having Dark Souls Stockholm Syndrome.

I think I'll continue playing, see how long my inner gamer rage can remain contained.