All of my Rage

A Terrible Tuesday today has been indeed.

Loading up the personal hell that is Dark Souls this afternoon, I had a feeling of empowerment. I had recently increased the effectiveness of my armor and weapon, and today the first thing I did was further improve my dear claymore further, to a +4. I truly felt as though the gargoyles would be mine. After all, if not for my impromptu low altitude skydive last time I probably would have beat them. I turned human and made my way up the chapel.

First three hollows outside the chapel: Dead. The three Balder Knights inside the chapel: Dead. The wave of Crimson Quackers at the top of the stairs: Weird. Creepy. Also dead. During this time I barely took a hit, sustaining a small wound from the first Balder Knight. Nothing much, not enough to require healing before entering the Gargoyle's fog door, leaving me at full estus flasks for the big fight.

I stood before the fog door contemplating my position. Just for a second. Yup, I was ready. I spotted Solaire of Astora's summon sign. I walked to it, and began the summons. 

------Summoning Knight Solaire------

------Dark Spirit Jackass-Mc Ruin-Your-Day is Invading------

Wait, wut?

Speed 'er up, Solaire...

And then it was over. I was dead. Before Solaire could even finish materializing, I was dead.

I sat there for a solid 30 seconds, thinking about what had just happened. Then it hit me.

MOTHER @&%*ING PKER!!!!!!

I was told I couldn't be invaded during my first play through!!!!!!! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING NOW!?!?!?!

I was soooooo close!!! I could have had the Gargoyles this time!!

Invasions, like summoning NPC help (like Solaire) can happen only when a player has reversed their hollowing and become human again. Players elsewhere can invade a humanized player's game to either help or, like this jerk, kill you. Usually they go with the second option.

------Knight Solaire has been Summoned------

All of my rage. All of it. 

Attack of the Killer Tomato

With Earthbound now behind me and the weekend at hand, Guild wars 2 was now on the menu. And oh how delicious it is.

I've mentioned before that I am a gamer very much set in her ways. I can also be lazy. I get a big sword/stick/axe and I hit stuff until they die from it. Simple, though not particularly elegant. I love my Norn Guardian for that reason. She is an eight foot tall Nordic/Amazonian beast wielding a giant two-handed hammer that looks like a steam-punk scythe. I also love that shes already max level at 80. But I'm trying to change, trying to grow as a gamer.

Thus I needed to pick a class I never would have played in the past. Using my birthday scrolls (a present for a character being a year old) I bumped up a Human Ranger, a Charr Warrior, and a Sylvari Necromancer all up to level 20, leaving my Asuran Elementalist in the dust at level 7 (remember? I'm lazy. Leveling in the beginning sucks). So who to play...

Einy-Meeney-miney-that one. Sylvari Necromancer. The anthropomorphic cabbage with the less than fresh friends.

Necromancers in GW2 are just like Necros in any other game, in that they use dead stuff as their puppets-o-pain. They are also very, very, very squishy. Light grade armor isn't the best at preventing daggers through the chest.

"Mistress, we need to talk. Me and the Bone Minions got to thinking, and maybe, just maybe, we should stop tapping every enemy within striking distance? I know you enjoy a good game of tag, but it tends to anger them, and being but bone and undead tissue, we can only hold up so long. The Shadow Fiend has already gone on strike over this, and I think it's in everyone's best interests..."

Named the Red Cabbage due to her reddish complexion and the fact shes made of leaves and plant junk, I geared her up properly and set all of her skills to 'summon minions', because I'm lonely and I figure they could take the brunt of the attacks while I chill in the back setting down circles of awfulness on top of my prey...I mean enemies...no, I meant prey.

That plan works in theory.  In practice it's a little different. As I am engulfed by the enemy swarm I usually see my minions, all four or five of them, just kind of standing around like they're waiting on the bus.

Now, this can be interpreted a few different ways. Either I need new minions, or I am a terribly incompetent Necromancer. I think we all know the answer to that.

 (Editor's note: Don't actually answer that last one, my poor, fragile psyche can't handle criticism...)

...I'm...h...a...p...p...y...

While playing Earthbound over the last couple weeks I have asked myself multiple times: Just what is it about this game that drives most players to such obsession over it? I understand liking games, and as far as I could tell Earthbound was a rather good game, if a little frustrating and at times nearly impossible. The art style is cute, the music is amazing, and many of the themes are clever and funny. But none of these things added up enough for me to call it a great game, just a good one. Then I beat the game, and I realized:

Everything about this game has been worth the final fight. 

Everything. All the frustration. All the annoyance. All of it. 

The ending of this game. Where do I even start. Oh, I know, robots. When in doubt, always start with robots...

See, after conquering your nightmares and your own insecurities (literally!), You are now ready to face your foe-o-destiny: Giygas. But you can't just walk up to his lair, knock on the door, and say howdy (with your baseball bat). No, you have to go back in time, to when Giygas was weak and vulnerable. Guess what doesn't handle time travel very well? Soft, squishy huuuuman bodies. So Jeff's father stuffs everyone's spirits into robots, with a hitch: We probably won't be able to switch back. Have fun running to your inevitable deaths kids!

The battle with Giygas takes place in several parts, but they all flow together beautifully. You start off facing Pokey, who now stands not as your annoying jackass neighbor, but as a true evil of the universe. Fittingly, you don't actually beat Pokey. I'm pretty sure I never actually came close to even hurting him. Coward that he is, he simply ends the fight, makes fun of you for a bit, then leaves you to his increasingly volatile master. 

Giygas, you creepy thing you. I just kind of wailed on him for a while. Pokey, being the absolute pain in the ass bastard that he is, interrupts my slugfest to run his mouth a little more. 

"Why not call your mommy, Ness! Say, 'Mommy! Daddy! I'm so frightened! I think I'm gonna wet my pants!' HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Blah blah blah (jerk). 

Know what? That's a great idea. Imma do that. 

Super-robot-telepathy-powers ACTIVATE!

And, frankly, that's exactly what we do. With Ness and Poo keeping the party healed and shielded, Paula prays. Every turn she prays. In the present on earth she is heard by friends, family, and Mr. Saturns alike, with all of the people we helped along the way pouring their own prayers back to us. Even the player (hey, that's me!) gets in on it, adding in their own prayers (actually I wasn't praying. I was button mashing, but, ya know, same thing) to the mix. 

Soon Giygas explodes with the power of love and friendship, and Ness n' friends make it safely back into their bodies (big mistake, always keep the robot body!), and the universe is saved! 

OR IS IT!?!?!?

Gotta love cliffhanger endings. 

I Love you...You love me...

Ok, so maybe I was just having a bad day yesterday, or maybe I just sucked more than usual. But today I flew through Stonehenge Base and beat it's boss, Starman Deluxe, like a redheaded step child that happened to owe me money. *shrugs*

Actually I flew through quite a bit today, more than enough to make up for yesterday's brick wall I found so lovingly in my face. I now feel confident that I can keep my promise of beating Earthbound by the end of the week. Hell, at this rate I'll be done by tomorrow.

Included on today's body count are:

"Goofy looking piece of..."

-Starman Deluxe in Stonehenge Base

-Electro Specter in Lumine Hall

-The Carbon/ Diamond Dog from the Fire Spring

-Thunder and Storm from the Pink Cloud in Dalaam

And countless other smaller nuisances along the way. Has anyone ever seen a Tangoo? Look it up. It's freaking weird.

Equally weird (well....just look up a Tangoo) is, well, anything found once you get to the Lost Underworld. Think Journey to the Center of the Earth, but with more weird Moonmen and purple dinosaurs. So many purple dinosaurs. I got so tiny coming here, Ness' sprite being reduced to only a few pixels. Good. I was sick of lookin' at 'em anyway...

While speaking to a rock I figure out I'm almost finished collecting all of the song spots, missing only the Pink Cloud (leading me to the aforementioned Tangoo) in Dalaam and the Fire Spring here in the Underworld. So after ditching the Diamond dog and getting my thoughts read out loud by a wall I suddenly lost consciousness, waking to what can only be describe as full on, balls to the wall insanity.

Welcome to Magicant. I know I'm not (welcome, that is).

Murder and Mayhem

Yes. Today I played Earthbound. No, I didn't get far. 

Why? Because of these assholes.

These assholes, right here. 

Atomic Power Bot and the Starman Super. Both can go jump off the highest cliff in Eagleland, nay, the Universe.

I'm currently in the caverns under Stonehenge. I haven't found my way out yet because these assholes respawn if I so much as move slightly, reappearing when I move back. Earthbound's trademark seizure inducing battle screens aside, these two have done everything in their power to piss me off, and, I must say, they're doing a greeeeeeat job.

Even if I do manage to damage either one (which is becoming increasingly rare. I swear my party spends battles staring at the wonders that are their shoelaces), they both heal back anything and, here's the fun part: When I do manage to kill an Atomic Bot, he explodes! Hard enough to wipe out half my party! Every time!

With Jeff my lone survivor, I let the next batch of assholes kill me. Because it's Jeff, whats the point.

Soooooo to blow off a little steam I jumped over to Guild Wars 2 to finish my daily before the 7 o'clock reset. What's this? One of the achievements is 'ambient killer'? The achievement that allows, nay encourages, me to slaughter the innocent wildlife with white sprite names? Wildlife like...Bunnehs?!

"Why hello, bunnehs."

Status Report!

As only the most astute can see, I am currently updating (aka completely changing) the look of my blog! The changes might take a little while, so things might look a little wonky for the time being. But never fear, I'll have it finished and looking teh awesome in no time! Be sure to let me know what you think in the comments (change it again, keep it, etc).

So what's coming up?

The Nintendo 64 won the 'next game system' poll by a wide margin. Forbidden from playing anything Legend of Zelda for the console (grumps), I will instead play one of three games: Hexen, Jet Force Gemini, or Army Men: Sarge's Heros 2. Shoot me your vote in the comment section.

"But Geeky Cat, you aren't even close to beating Earthbound!" You are right, dear viewer, I haven't. I am giving myself until the end of the week: If I haven't beat it by then, I'll stop posting about it, and move on to another game. Once I do finally kick Gigas back to whatever nightmare he spawned from, there will be a post, but I feel as though I've used too much real estate on here on it already, so to keep from boring people I'll move on.

Also expect a number of one-shots in the future, games that take no more than an hour or two to play. Some games (like Earthbound) take a liiiiiittle too long to beat, so to break up the monotony (for you and me), I'll throw these in to spice things up!

So, fire off in the comments: Hexen, Jet Force Gemini, or Army Men: Sarge's Heros 2? WHO SHALL BE VICTORIOUS?!

Update!

I'm now finished with the site's makeover!

More good news! All pictures, comics included, will now come in full color!

Because, you, my wonderful readers, deserve only the best in sub-par photoshop skills.

I've waited...

...Oh, have I waited...

...And now, you are mine.